Dear Diary (continued),

Carol Richmond and I spent a fruitful hour conjuring things up from our shared imagination. I produced a flowchart, a set of inspirational posters, a pro-forma annual competency assessment binder (loose leaf at the second attempt), a plate of meeting quality biscuits and a jar of jam. Carol Richmond summoned forth a box of tissues, a full length mirror, another puppy (because the first one looked lonely), a powerful shower, a mitten which when rubbed against the skin can remove dead cells but leave healthy cells in tact and a laser pistol with a fully adept power pack. None of these offered an immediately obvious means of escape. After our allotted hour we rejoined the man John and Fingers for a combining of our new found resources.

"I was able to produce a warp fold photon drive capable of drawing matter from any point in time and space and translating it instantly to any other point in time and space. It uses less power than it generates, it can transmit human beings as well as space ships, it will only cost fifty Earth pounds to produce and with three of these placed at easily calculated points, we could move a planet from one galaxy to the next. It could also transfer human beings from any point in space and/or time to any other."

"Where is this wonderful device?" I asked keenly.

"It was cube shaped so the man John decided it would be perfect to use a table for his mineral samples" said Fingers forlornly.

"Dammit, Butch, I’ve got an ingot of zanium, a nugget of durolium, a perfect rock of hydronium and a full em of taranium. And that’s just the beginning – let me show you my portfolio of molybdenum, polybdinum and tetrabdium…"

"Don’t you see, John, that Fingers’ device could be the means of getting away from here?"

"No, why? It’s just a box of tricks – dammit, Butch, I’m a mineralogist not someone easily swayed by the latest new fangled gadget with flashing lights and a slick sales brochure. Every one of these minerals has a proven track record of being absolutely wonderful. The little fellow’s gizmo is good on paper but in practice it is only so much gravy until it’s switched on."

"Then switch it on!" cried Carol Richmond.

"It needs only a small amount of fuel to kick start it" said Fingers.

"What sort of fuel?" I asked.

"It uses a precise blend of zanium, durolium, hydronium, taranium. molybdenum, polybdinum and tetrabdium" he replied.

"Argh – over my dead body" said the man John.

"We need your minerals, John" I said comfortingly.

"Dammit, Butch, I’m a mineralogist not… not… dammit I’m a mineralogist. Minerals are my life. If you touch those minerals…"

I touched John’s minerals.

"Dammit, Butch, if you pick those minerals up…"

I picked John’s minerals up.

"Dammit, Butch, if you start dropping those minerals into the machine…"

I started dropping John’s minerals into the machine.

"Dammit, Butch, if you finish dropping those minerals into the machine…"

I finished dropping John’s minerals into the machine.

"Dammit, Butch, and I really mean it this time, if you switch that machine on…"

I switched the machine on.

"Dammit, Butch, you’ve gone too far this time."

I went too far. I knew it as soon as John grabbed me about the throat. It was as if he’d gone mad again as he did when the Sensorites took over his brain. He throttled me with no one doing anything to prevent it. They were rooted to the spot with pure astonishment at the casual, almost feral, way he was throwing away his career. There was no way I could over look this. John was in serious trouble. Very serious trouble. Such serious trouble in fact that I passed out.

I awoke to find water splashed on my face. Fingers was apologising saying Carol Richmond made him do it.

"Don’t apologise, Fingers, it was most refreshing" I said to boost his morale.

"John didn’t mean it" blubbed Carol. "You know what he’s like."

"I do – he’s impulsive, obsessive, prone to repeating himself and very susceptible to mind control. He’s also the best mineralogist we’ve got, your fiancé and the only person who knows the password to update the SS Pioneer’s social club computer files. But I will have to raise this at his biennial appraisal and, unless given very good reason not to, comment on it."

"It will ruin him" she wailed.

"I suppose, in the interests of staff morale, I might take into account the fact that we don’t technically know whether we are alive or dead as we are hanging in an impossible void. Therefore there is a possibility, in law, that our contracts of employment have already ended. Yes, it may be possible to let John off on a technicality."

"Excuse me" muttered Fingers, "I think we are missing the most important thing."

"Not at all" I assured him, "we’ve covered the regulatory dimension concurrently with the legal one."

"My machine – the thing that is our best chance of returning to the real universe – is warmed up and ready to transmit us."

"Good heavens" I exclaimed. "Should we go all together or one at a time?"

"Dammit, Butch, I owe you one. I’ll go on my own."

"John – you don’t have to do this…" I began, secretly pleased that he had agreed to risk his life on my behalf.

"I do – they are my minerals powering this box of tricks and so it is my duty to see that they aren’t wasted. If we never see each other again then buy me a drink when you get back to the Earth."

"I will, John."

"Send my regards to my mother and father."

"I will, John."

"Give my mineral collection to the Central City Museum of Minerals."

"I will, John."

"And marry Carol Richmond for me so I know she is in safe hands."

"I will, John."

"He bloody well won’t, John" snapped Carol. "Dammit, John, I’m a woman not a nugget of zanium – you can’t just give me away for safe keeping."

"But Carol I…" and with that the man John disintegrated before our very eyes.