Dear Diary,

I had visions of burly Nazis chaining me to a dungeon wall and lashing me with leather straps. I had the same visions as the captain’s guards dragged me off the bridge having charged me with dereliction of Nazi duty. I was arguing my case with alacrity and wit but it was to no end.

"If he clings on to the door by his fingernails, break his fingers" barked the captain. The man John looked delighted at the prospect of bloody violence while Carol Richmond merely simpered as women are wont to do.

Suddenly, the space ship lurched – first one way, then the next. The lights began to flicker and an alarm rang out like manna from heaven.

"We’re under attack" shouted a Nazi officer.

"Damned Ottomen" cursed the captain. He rushed over to a small viewing panel and tutted. "It’s an Ottoman battle ship cruiser mark 2. We must man the battle stations."

My two guards stayed still – I had hoped they run to man some battle stations and I would be able to slip away, morally and literally free, but it wasn’t happening. Time to shift to plan B.

"I am experienced in battle situations" I said.

"You have engaged Ottomen before?" asked the captain.

"Of course."

"Then take a look at my viewing panel and tell me how you would deal with this ship."

The guards released their grip on my and I dusted myself symbolically down as I accompanied the captain to his small viewing panel. The ship had no windows or large viewing panels and, aside from flickering lights and the swaying deck, you wouldn’t know there was a full scale space battle going on outside.

"Well?" demanded the captain after I had surveyed the battle for a full six seconds.

"May I confer with my council of war?" I asked, pointing to Carol Richmond and the man John.

"If you insist" he said grumpily.

The three of us huddled over the small viewing panel and held a very impromptu and almost completely informal staff meeting.

Minutes of the SS Pioneer Staff Meeting

Location : A Nazi space ship

Date : the 28th Century

Present : Captain Maitland, Carol Richmond and the Man John

Apologies : Engineer Fingers

Agenda

1. Minutes of the last meeting.

2. Convincing the Nazis that we are friends of theirs.

3. Not getting blown up by the Ottoman space ship.

4. Escaping from the Nazis

5. Any other business.

Minutes

1. Held over until the next meeting as none of us could find a copy of the minutes in our knapsacks.

2. CR and TMJ noted that the space Nazis already like them and that it is only CM who is disliked. CM wished it noted that he is C and therefore must be considered paramount. TMJ wanted it placing on record that he is a mineralogist not a lap dog mongrel who skips about fetching slippers and doing what he’s told. All agreed eventually that they would try and make CM more popular with the Nazis.

ACTION POINT – CM to become more popular with the Nazis.

3. CR observed that the Ottoman space ship has a weakness on its hold and that one nuclear powered missile aimed at the service hatch she was pointing at would destroy the vessel.

ACTION POINT – Ottoman space ship to be destroyed utterly.

4. The escape must involve collecting Fingers and then somehow getting to the Pioneer. CM asked why we absolutely needed to rescue Fingers as there was no evidence of his trying to rescue us but CR said F had the Pioneer’s keys and we would be unable to leave the orbit of the Sense Shire without him.

ACTION POINT – Rescue Fingers

ACTION POINT – CM to learn how to hotwire the SS Pioneer.

5. AOB – All agreed that any proclamations of love, loyalty or support for the Nazi regime are to be treated as functional allegiances and no one is to infer any support for twentieth century politician parties from any word, action or deed.

Next meeting –

Chair – Captain Maitland

Minutes – to be determined (subject to escaping from the Nazis and surviving a space battle)

"Well?" demanded the captain just as I was calling our meeting to a close.

"I have a plan" I told him. "If you aim one of your nuclear missiles at this point of the Ottoman hull, it will destroy the ship completely" I said matter of factly.

"Really?" asked the captain of the Nazis.

"Absolutely" I replied with a confident smile.

"If you are right, I will cancel your thrashing and make you acting deputy captain of this ship. If you are wrong, I will have all three of you – and your worthless inferior companion – thrown into an airlock and expelled into space after having been thrashed to within an inch of your lives. Each."

"That sounds fair" I mumbled.

"I will give you the honour of pressing the button" he declared.

I stepped up to the nuclear missile launch control (a large red button surrounded by flashing lights) and motioned to press it.

"Wait! We haven’t set the guidance computer yet."

"Right."

I waited, the ship bucking and rolling as I did so, and was eventually given leave to fire.

"The deaths of a thousand Ottoman scum will be on your tunic" said the captain. That sounded rather messy but the ends justified the means. I pressed the button, the ship shook as the mighty missile roared out into the cold vacuum of space and crossed my fingers in hope. I had placed all our lives on the tactical skills of a woman. What was I thinking?