Dear Diary,

So there we were - tied to stakes and held within cocoons of twigs and other flammable debris. The County Administrator looked at us with triumph across his expressionless face.

"And so burn all who trespass in the empire of King Elder the First" he barked.

"What is the point of a ruler if he is not allowed to rule that people be burned at the stake?" asked the king. His subjects nodded sagely at his wise words.

"Do the condemned have any last words?" asked the County Administrator.

"Dammit, Butch, I'm a mineralogist not a piece of coke. I demand you get us out of this and don’t wait for the next financial year to do it" said the man John.

"Yes, Captain Maitland" agreed Carol Richmond, "I really do think it is time you got us out of this mess."

"I do have a plan" I began, "but it requires us to be in the Sensorites shuttle bay with only one guard who drops his ray gun at the right moment and while one of us is stood close to a metal bar or other club-like object. I can assure you that should circumstances become precipitate I will put Operation Overpower into action straight away."

"Before you die in the cleansing flames of the pyre I would ask that you explain what is in this strange box that is made of a substance we do not recognise."

The County Administrator held forth my Tupperware sandwich box. It suddenly struck me that this was our chance to escape. All I had to do was play my hand with skill and we would be free.

"I'll tell you if you untie me and don't burn me to death" I said bravely.

"Dammit, Butch, you were meant to tell him he should open it and find out" groaned the man John.

"But if he did that he'd... oh right" I replied. "Yes, that would’ve been better."

"I'd what?" demanded the County Administrator.

"Nothing" I said cunningly.

"Oh well, forget it then. I just thought I'd ask" he announced, tossing my lunchbox to the floor and directing his men to light the fires.

"WAIT" cried the man John. "Dammit - if I'm to die like a dog I at least want to die like a dog while surrounded by minerals."

"What do you ask for?" asked the confused County Administrator.

"That box - it contains valuable ores. This world is a veritable gold mine and I was hoping to become rich off the proceeds of that box."

"This box is valuable? We could become rich by trading such minerals with aliens even though they are not popular with the people and would be unwelcome upon the surface of the Sense Shire?"

"Absolutely-dutely" said the man John, immediately expressing concern at his first and last use of that particular phrase.

"I would look upon this wondrous substance" said the King. "We are very proud of our mineral reserves even though we do not appreciate their true value."

The County Administrator opened the box and immediately became overcome by the smell of my sandwiches. Within seconds all the Sensorites present (except Fingers of course) were overpowered. They lay in little podgy heaps on the ground and moaned softly.

"Well done, John" I congratulated. "If you would untie me I can lead us off this world."

"Untie you? You untie me first" he said.

"Ah" I observed.

"Oh" muttered Carol Richmond

"Bother" added Fingers.

We stood for a moment and mused on the irony of how this latest development had actually left us further away from escape than we had been before. I was considering how this would make an excellent anecdote when we return to our Earth and I am promoted to Commodore for my bravery and exploits when a panel in the wall opened and a bearded face popped through.

"Are they all dead?" asked what looked remarkably like one of the lunatics aboard the Pionerr. "The Sensorites – are they dead?"

"Merely stunned" I confirmed. "Will you help us?"

"Are you allies of the Sensorites?"

"No."

"Spies?"

"No."

"Space travellers eager to steal the minerals that me and my men have fought for these past few years?"

"Yes" said the man John but I overruled him.

"No" I said firmly.

"I must take you to the commander."

"You’ll have to untie us first."

With that he crawled through his little hatch and cut our bonds with a crude wooden knife. He lead us through a circular passage way that reeked of sewerage and we were introduced to his commander.

"Is the war with the Sensorites over?" asked the commander, a man sporting an even more impressive beard than his number one.

"I don’t know – we’ve only just arrived. They took against us almost immediately and imprisoned us."

"This planet is very rich you know. We’ve been fighting a war against the Sensorites by sabotaging their plumbing and putting deadly nightshade into their lavatories."

"Dammit, commander, what good does that do?" asked John.

"No idea but since we’re based in the sewers it was the best we could do. It’s working though – this year three in every ten have died."

"Captain Maitland" cried Carol suddenly. "Where is Fingers?"

We looked around and saw no sign of our plucky little engineer.

"What happened to the Sensorite who was tied to the stake alongside us?" I demanded.

"We left him behind – he would hear our minds talking."

"Dammit, Butch, your sandwiches won’t last forever. Sooner or later those evil Sensorites will recover and Fingers will be for the chop."

"We must go back for him" wailed Carol Richmond.

"It’s too late for that" said the Commander, "your friend will already be dead."

I didn’t say anything at the time but I want it placed on record that Fingers isn’t technically a friend of mine, he is a member of my crew.