Dear Diary

Life aboard the SS Pioneer has calmed greatly since I defeated the maniacal machinations of the Space Genie. Morale is high although there has been an unfortunate coincidence as far as Fingers is concerned. Only last Tuesday he explained to us over dinner that extreme sound has a profound effect upon Sensorites. Apparently it stuns the brain and paralyses the nerves. The very next day the man John reported for duty with a shocking cold. Ever since then he has been regularly paralysing poor Fingers with some of the loudest and most technically proficient sneezes I have ever seen.

Dear Diary

We have come into orbit around a new planet. It registers very highly on the molybdenum detector and the man John’s cold vanished almost immediately.

“Dammit, Butch, I’m a mineralogist not a sick person. That is one beautiful ball of minerally goodness. I haven’t got time to stand around and chew the fat – I’m going down there now, if not before.”

“John” I said calmingly, “you can’t just dash off to a new planet in a new universe without knowing anything about it. There may be monsters down there.”

“Dammit, Butch, I cannot and will not let a bunch of monsters stand between me and my minerals.”

“They might be big monsters” I warned.

“How big?”

“Bigger than the largest piece of mineral you’ve ever seen.”

“Dammit, Butch, I’ve seen some big minerals in my time and so the picture you paint is a horrific one. How long will it take for you to scan the planet for terrifying beasts?”

“We’ve had to recalibrate the molybdenum detector to make it a monster detector but it should take too long. Fingers is working flat out on the project.”

“He’s a damn good little fellow and no mistake” said John, patting Fingers on the head and tossing a small pepper-style pot into the pulveriser on his way off the bridge. “If anyone wants me I’ll be in the mineralogy lab putting Tupperware boxes inside each other. We’ll need have the maximum mineral collection capacity at our disposal. My record is a hundred and sixty two boxes inside one and other and I’m feeling lucky, Butch.”

I stared at the visioscope image of the planet around which we were circling. It looked somehow familiar. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but somehow and for some reason I felt I’d seen it before somewhere.

“It’s very beautiful is it?” said Carol Richmond who, being a woman, eschewed science in favour of pure aesthetics.

“It looks familiar” I confided. “I wonder, could that large land mass be Australia?”

“Don’t be silly, Captain Maitland, we’re from the twenty eighth century. There hasn’t been an Australia for two hundred years, ever since it was broken up and used to construct a land bridge between Central City and Metropolis City in what used to be known as the United States of America.”

“Perhaps we’ve travelled in time as well as space. We could be looking at the birth of planet Earth.”

“Isn’t it more likely to be a different planet?”

“It could be I suppose.” Then it hit me. “Of course – the landmass is slightly bigger than usual. This must be the Sense Sphere.”

“But how can it be? The Sense Sphere is in the old universe and this is the new universe – you said so at my half-yearly appraisal.”

“Have you ever considered the possibility of twin planets?” I asked.

“Didn’t a famous scientist publish a theory about them?” she asked.

“He did. Captain Zac Newton – the great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great nephew of Sir Isaac Newton and one of the most decorated captains in the history of INNER.”

“What did his theory say?”

“For every planet there is an equal and opposite re-planet.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that every planet that exists somewhere must also exist somewhere else.”

“That doesn’t make a lot of sense.”

“And yet you are looking at the evidence with your own eyes. That is the Sense Sphere or something very like it.”

At this point Fingers entered the bridge and looked at the planet beneath us.

“It contains no monsters on the surface. It is possible that some may live beneath ground in a cave or a tunnel or an aqua duct but as long as we stay where there is light we will be in good health” he reported.

“Does that planet remind you of anywhere? Your home for example?” asked Carol Richmond.

“I had not noticed any resemblance as it would be impossible for that to be the Sense Sphere. It would be a waste of time and effort for me to see what cannot be true.”

“What about Newton’s theory?” I asked.

“Do you mean the Newton whose theories of terrestrial and celestial movement are famous all over the old universe and which are even taught on the Sense Sphere or the more recent Newton who attempted to cash in on his relative’s fame with some sound bite science after a career spent murdering natives in the name of exploration?” he asked in all seriousness.

“You mustn’t prejudge” I warned him. “Both Newtons are geniuses in their own right. On this occasion I was referring to the younger Newton and his grand theory of synchronous planetary development.”

“You mean you think that planet could be an exact replica of the Sense Sphere?” he asked, dumbfounded as the day he was born.

“I do” I confirmed.

“That would explain why the man John is packing his Tupperware – the Sense Sphere was very rich in precious minerals.”

I was about to speak when a face crackled into view on the visioscope.

“Who are you?” asked a man not unlike the being stood to my left (Fingers that is, Carol Richmond was stood to my right and isn’t bald).

“I am Captain Maitland of the SS Pioneer” I said. Fingers reached over to the console and pressed a red button.

“You can speak now” he whispered.

“I am Captain Maitland of the SS Pioneer” I repeated. “Who am I addressing?”

“I am the County Administrator. You have trespassed onto the lands of King Elder the First, ruler of the Sense Shire. There is only one punishment for your crime.”

He paused for a moment and I crossed my fingers and prayed he was going to levy some kind of suspended fine or good behaviour order.

“Death”.