Dear Diary,

"What is that?" gasped Potternob when he saw the large mechanical man bearing down upon him. A large mechanical arm flailed in his general direction and, like the coward he was, he flinched quite dramatically.

"Captain Maitland" hissed a familiar voice. I had taken refuge behind Carol Richmond and for a moment was unable to see from whence it came.

"Dammit, Butch, it’s the pygmy fellow" said the consultant John.

"Oh Fingers!" cried Carol Richmond.

"Fingers?" I replied, poking my head round Carol’s amble thigh. "Is that really you?"

"Yes."

"Where have you been?"

"In my workshop."

"What have you been doing?" I asked.

"Dammit, Butch, use the evidence of your own eyes – the dwarf has obviously been building that large mechanical man."

"That is Big Robot" said Fingers proudly.

"You mean the machine Potternob the Space Genie gave you the power to create?" I asked.

"Indeed."

"Dammit, midget man, you’ve hoisted him by his own petard" said John.

We looked across and saw that our mechanical saviour had pinned Potternob up against the wall and was apparently keen to keep him there.

"Fingers – can you deactivate the energy fence?"

"I believe so" he replied. He pointed his strange Sensorite gun at a control sphere upon the meeting table and caused smoke to billow from it in a most satisfactory manner.

"Dammit, Butch, it’s good to be free" cried the consultant John. "Now for a little revenge."

John let out a primal scream and rushed towards the restrained figure of Potternob. He threw several angry punches at the space genie’s head before wandering back over to us, his rage apparently dissipated.

"Dammit, Butch, I’m a mineralogist not a pugilist. I think I’ve broken both my hands. I need a bag of ice and a couple of aspirins."

Before I could enter the details of the consultant John’s accident in the SS Pioneer’s "Accident and Injury" log book I heard a pitiful plea from Potternob.

"Help me" he pleaded pitifully.

"I fear you have been hoisted by you own petard" I told him sternly. "You have lived by the sword and now you must die by the sword. Or at least suffer by it until you have learned the error of your ways."

"I have – I have learned the error of my ways" he said quickly.

"Are you sure?" I challenged.

"Yes – absolutely sure – today is the first day of my new honest life."

"In that case I will ask my engineer to call off his large mechanical man."

"Can we trust him?" asked Fingers.

"I think so – I studied a module at the University of Central City entitled "Earning, Recognising, Using, Understanding, Cultivating and Manipulating Trust in the Workplace" and not only passed the course but was only two marks away from earning a Beta Negative grade. I can recognise the signs. Call off your mechanical man."

"Very well, sir" he said. "Big Robot – retreat" he commanded. The large mechanical man wheeled back and Potternob fell to the floor, an obviously beaten man. Once on the floor he pulled out a blaster ray gun and ordered John, Carol, myself and Fingers to re-enter the area delineated by the energy fence.

"Dammit, Butch, you’ve done it again" said John.

"He’s bluffing" I replied. Potternob let rip a ray of pure white energy and the head of Fingers’ giant robot man exploded with terrifying force.

"Dammit, Butch, I’m a mineralogist not a poker player but even I can see he’s got more aces than you’ve had hot dinners. I can’t even hold playing cards right now and Carol isn’t allowed to gamble because of her talent for prestidigitation. Her poster if up in every casino in Central City."

I made a mental note to remove every casino in Central City from my list of venues for a morale boosting team night out before returning to the problem of Potternob, the space genie who now had us at gun point.

"Why would a being with magical powers need a ray gun?" said Fingers.

"To shoot us with" I snapped. "Don’t distract me."

"Dammit, Butch, surely it should be ‘with which to shoot us’" said the pedantic consultant John.

"Fingers is right – a man with magical powers wouldn’t need anything as crude as a ray gun" chirped Carol Richmond.

"Of course – my fiancée and the leprechaun are right – he must’ve lost his abracadabra" added John.

"Erm, no I haven’t" said Potternob, waving his ray gun and looking anxious.

"You see" I told my colleagues, "you are all wrong. He still has his powers."

"Dammit, Butch, use the evidence of your own eyes and ears. The gypsy is running scared. I’d lay odds of three to one than the control sphere was the source of his hey presto."

"No it wasn’t – it was this crystal in my pocket which the robot smashed when…" began Potternob.

"Ha!" cried the consultant John. "Tricked you."

"Ghah" cursed Potternob. He fired his ray gun at us and we narrowly avoided death by jumping behind a table.

"Now you’ve really done it" I said to John. "You couldn’t reign in your rebellious streak and now we’re facing death."

"Dammit, Butch, I’d rather die a heroes death protecting my future wifey than starving to death in a sludge mine. I’m only doing what any real man would do."

"You’re hiding behind a table with bags of frozen vegetables wrapped around each hand" I reminded him.

"Do you have a better idea?" he snapped.

"As it happens, I do" I told him. I grabbed Fingers’ Sensorite gun and aimed it at Potternob. There was a flash of light from the gun.

Dear Diary,

Due to a design fault on the part of the Sensorite nation I appear to have previously shot myself in the face. Luckily the ray only paralyses for one hour and so my crew had no need to drift along in space forever more without a captain to lead, guide, motivate, inspire and command them. From the evidence of my colleagues I believe the matter was resolved as follows.

(i) Potternob was surprised at my calculated act of self-sacrifice.

(ii) This momentary lapse in concentration allowed Fingers to activate a release mechanism which opened up a hatch on the side of the big robot.

(iii) The lunatics had been hiding inside the robot to operate its arms and legs because Potternob had removed the secret of building a huge robot from Fingers at the same time he’d taken Carol’s ring and the other trinkets with which he’d pretended to bestow us.

(iv) The lunatics pounced on Potternob and beat him with sticks until they were able to force him into the airlock and send him out into space.

(v) The lunatics retreated to the comfort of their cupboard while Carol and Fingers attempted to revive me with strong smelling salts and imploring words.

All of which put an end to the space genie affair and a happy ending it has proven to be. The consultant John agreed to rejoin the crew, I’ve promoted Fingers to Senior Engineer (third class) and the man John presented Carol Richmond with one of his favourite minerals in lieu of the engagement ring she so briefly enjoyed. Best of all I was able to impound Potternob’s ray gun so the SS Pioneer now has two energy weapons in its arsenal. I can hear popular music coming from the Pioneer’s staff social club so it must mean the celebration evening has begun. You’ll have to excuse me – my ticket says eight-for-eight-thirty and it is already twenty-seven minutes past the hour.