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We start out with a fairly simple
question – if the Royal Family were executed some time in the 1940s,
who the heck knighted Sir Keith?
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And while we’re at it, Sir Keith Gold
seems rather too Jewish to become a highly ranking person in a
fascist state.
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People in the UNIT era of Earth’s
history are quite at home with video phones, robot drills which are
about to penetrate the planet’s crust and manned missions to Mars
and yet they are staggered at the sight of remote controlled garage
doors. We look back and wryly note that only one of the above is now
advertised during daytime telly.
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Say what you will about the brutal
regime, slave labour, republican thuggery and general nastiness of
the fascistic Britain of the parallel world but Petra was able to
become a doctor there while she only managed to be a secretary in
the "proper" world.
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This is a general season 7 irritant –
why is Doctor Elizabeth Shaw always called "Miss Shaw"? Would it
kill them to occasionally call her by her proper title? I mean, you
can show your long, slender, gorgeous legs off and still retain an
air of academic seriousness. Probably.
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I know I wouldn’t but what about you –
would you like to have your name immortalised as a gas?
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Especially if you suffer from a
digestive complaint like Professor Stahlman. Stahlman’s Gas might
easily be a symptom as well as a source of cheap energy. It’s
certainly a source of cheap gags.
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I was once corrected on this point by an
eminent telehistorian but I’m sticking to my belief that Big Brother
is actually Frank Muir. Even at his most harsh he’d make a cuddly
and witty dictator. You wouldn’t mind the brutality so much if it
was delivered with an educated twinkle.
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Why does dear old Peewee pronounce
continuum as "con-tin-eee-um"? I expect they would’ve got a smug
letter of complaint in (see later chitinous anecdote) except no one
could find anything to rhyme with continuum.
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Some have argued that the Doctor’s
apparent fondness for the Royal Family means he’s a dyed in the
wool, establishment loving, Tory supporting, old right wing
curmudgeon. I prefer to think he’s not keen on innocent people being
shot to death. But that’s just me.
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Only the British could have thirty years
of hard fascist rule and still only be a few hours more efficient
than the rambling, free, happy old Britain of our universe. I bet
their buses are still late.
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The Primords are generally regarded as
looking very silly but I think they’re ok – I’ve seen worse. I’ve
seen a lot worse. They’re quite sensible compared with, say, the
Monoids or the Engelbert Humperdinck lookalike in Underworld.
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Except of course for
this clip. Don’t ever show this to
anyone.
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The dark, nylon bob – which looks like
it is plonked on her head every morning and any way round will do –
is a bad wig even by Liz Shaw’s standards.
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The Doctor gives a demo of his console
to alt-Brig and alt-Liz. When he and the console disappear the
Brigade Leader pulls out his gun. Who was he going to shoot? The
only person in the room that he was afraid of had just vanished.
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One trifling little story point is that
– and I’m sure the always scientific Mr Letts checked this out
thoroughly before hand to ensure authenticity – there is green slime
at the bottom of the Earth’s crust. This slime, if touched, turns
people into comedy dog men with no obvious purpose in life. I think
this is nothing more than a classic example of the old Hollywood
writers’ adage "If the script is lookin’ short, stick in some green
slime that turns people into dog men and you’ll get paid in full".
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In interviews, Uncle Barry and Uncle
Terrance have bemoaned the seven-part stories they inherited from
the previous regime. They argue that seven episodes is far too long
and it is enormously hard work to keep the story going over seven
weeks. So the first thing they did is scrap the format and replace
it with the much easier six-part story. They’re a piece of piss.
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The DVD commentary is a thing of joy –
how could it not be with Uncle B, Uncle T and the Brig, all together
and all telling the anecdotes that have kept them in conventions for
twenty years. I was particularly pleased so hear Terrance’s "Just
for once I’d like to meet an alien that wasn’t immune to bullets"
story. He gets that in every single commentary and I still love it.
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One slightly unfortunate commentary
quirk is that Barry spends episodes one and two telling us that
Douglas "Dougie" Camfield was supposed to direct the entire story
but only did the location filming and the first part of the studio
shoot before falling seriously ill and being replaced by the
versatile Mr Letts. This fact was fair hammered home so it was hard
not to chuckle when John Levene came in to do part three and spent
most of the episode saying things like "Look at that– that’s classic
Camfield". Eventually, fifteen minutes in, someone obviously clued
him up and he does a bit of wriggling.
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Nicholas Courtney makes a funny noise
during one of Barry’s technical anecdotes. I don’t know if it is a
random note of agreement or your actual burp. Listen for yourself.
