Episode Ten – "The Curious Mr Jones"
 

Ian Devine : Mrs Temple asked me to tell you that she’s gone for a walk.

Temple : A walk?

Ian Devine : Yes.

Temple : Alone? But she’s only a woman. Did she say where she was going?

Ian Devine : Yes – she said she was going to take a stroll along the cliffs to Cliffhanger Point.

Temple : STEVE…!

Sir Graham : I’m sure she’ll be fine, Temple. The sun is out and Constable Convenient has gone with her.

Temple : By Timothy, that’s a relief!

(time passes)

Temple : This looks like the place.

Steve : "Mister Jones’s Open Minded Boutique" Isn’t this the place that is owned by the man who was accused of having blackmailed and murdered the late Donald Brent by Donald Brent’s father, Wollaston Brent? And also he was mentioned in the will of Dennis Brent who was kidnapped and presumed murdered but who turned up at the police station safe and well?

Temple : That’s right, Steve.

Ian Devine : Obviously I’ve never been here in my life.

Mr Jones : Why hello Mr Devine. And Mr Brent. And who are your two new friends?

Dennis Brent : This is Paul Temple and his wife Mrs Temple.

Mr Jones : Are they open minded?

Dennis Brent : I fear not.

Steve : Paul, why is this shop empty?

Mr Jones : It’s not empty – its shelves positively groan beneath all manner of open minded articles.

Dennis Brent : Forgive them, Mr Jones, but they are from the 1950s. It is rather like "The War Games" by Terrance Dicks and Malcolm Hulke – objects which are beyond their comprehension they do not see at all.

Mr Jones : I understand most heartily, Mr Brent.

Temple : Tell me, Mr Jones, did you by any chance know Donald Brent?

Mr Jones : Why yes – he was one of my most loyal customers. He came every week without fail.

Temple : And what did he buy?

Mr Jones : Mr Brent’s order for Playcaribou is a secret that will go with me to the grave. Discretion is the most important quality in my job. Discretion and open mindedness. They are the two most important qualities in my job. Discretion, open mindedness and keeping all the best stuff behind that curtain. Those are the three most…

Temple : Quite.

Steve : Which curtain?

Temple : He’s quite clearly mad. There is no curtain there.

Mr Jones : Can’t they even see curtains?

Dennis Brent : One would’ve thought so. But that really isn’t germane to our investigations. Mr Temple is assisting me in finding out who killed my brother.

Mr Jones : Mr Donald Brent is dead? But that’s appalling. He owes me seven pounds and ninety nine pence for the latest Playcaribou. Some people are so thoughtless.

Dennis Brent : It’s cheaper than Elk and Efficiency. I wonder if I could have a look at it… for the articles you understand.

Mr Jones : Ah… no… sorry. I can’t let you have it. I’ll send it back to the publishers. It’s a tradition in the magazine trade – if a customer dies you send his order back for a refund as a sign of respect.

Dennis Brent : I’ve never come across that before.

Mr Jones : A phrase I hear often in a store such as this.

Temple : We believe that a blackmailer called Alan is at work in Bendaton. He kidnapped Dennis Brent and killed Donald Brent. A man in your position would appear to be ideally qualified to blackmail people.

Mr Jones : Why would I do that, Mr Temple? Discretion is one of the eight qualities a man in my job needs, along with open mindedness, a good solid curtain, brown paper bags, tissues…

Temple : You could supply the information to a third party in exchange for money.

Mr Jones : That’s a thought. I might just try that – thanks Mr Temple.

Temple : Can you account for your movements the night Donald Brent was killed?

Mr Jones : I had a delivery of Swedish goods to collect from my contact in Cymm.

Temple : What sort of goods?

Mr Jones : Mostly battery operated, some ribbed, others VHS, there were a selection of zipped ones, a few made of leather and the rest were sealed in sterile containers to avoid contamination before use.

Steve : Paul – his lips are moving but no sound is coming out.

Temple : Yes, Steve, I noticed that.

Mr Jones : Normally I find innocence very profitable but those two are just irritating.

Dennis Brent : They are a very sensible couple underneath. Before we go I want you to swear that you didn’t kill my brother.

Mr Jones : Beavers honour.

Dennis Brent : That’s good enough for me. We served together as comrades in the Bendaton Beaver Brigade for thirteen years and the word of a fellow Beaver is sacrosanct.

Ian Devine : It is, Dennis Brent, he is one of us and his word is sacrosanct.

Temple : Whether he is a former member of the Bendaton Brigade or not isn’t relevant to this case, Mr Brent.

Mr Jones : It even filters individual words.

Dennis Brent : Remarkable.

Temple : There is something queer going on in this shop and mark my words I’m going to find out what it is.

(time passes)

Steve : It’s not going very well is it Paul?

Temple : On the contrary, Steve, that was most instructive.

Dennis Brent : Indeed it was – it proved Mr Jones is innocent.

Temple : I wouldn’t say that, Mr Brent. Do you know the profit margin on a magazine?

Dennis Brent : I beg your pardon?

Steve : Forgive my husband, Mr Brent, he’s subtly saying that he has deduced something terribly important but won’t let us know what it is for a few weeks yet.

Dennis Brent : Very sensible, Mr Temple. Keeping information to oneself is a time honoured tradition in my profession.

Sir Graham : Temple, I bring terrible news.

Dennis Brent : Not another bloodstain in my archive suites?

Sir Graham : Worse than that.

Dennis Brent : Damage to one of the casings? Or an exhibit?

Sir Graham : Far worse.

Ian Devine : Not a new tax on pies?

Sir Graham : We’ve found another body.

Dennis Brent : Gasp.

Ian Devine : Wobble.

Steve : Who is it, Sir Graham?

Temple : I think I know who it is.

Sir Graham : You do?