Episode Nine – "Introducing Wollaston Brent"
 

Constable : I have a note from Mr Devine.

Sir Graham : Good lord, Temple, look at this.

Temple : Dear Mr Temple, I have just realised that the voice on the telephone in the restaurant was familiar.

Steve : Go on, Paul.

Temple : I don’t wish to be a tell tale t-i-t but I believe it was my friend Wicks.

Sir Graham : I don’t understand, Temple. You say it was Grantham and Devine says it was Wicks.

Temple : I don’t know why Mr Devine would lie, Sir Graham, but I am positive the voice was that of Grantham.

Sir Graham : Should we arrest him?

Temple : Not yet, Sir Graham, we need more evidence. I propose to visit the Brents’ father – Wollaston Brent. He may be able to shed some light on why anyone would kidnap Dennis Brent and murder Donald Brent. Sir Graham – telephone Dennis Brent and ask him to meet me at his father’s house. I think he would be of considerable assistance.

(time passes)

Dennis Brent : Is this interruption to my schedule absolutely necessary, Mr Temple. Ian Devine and I were engaged in some fascinating research into Wendy Padbury. Did you know that she can…

Wollaston Brent : Who’s there? Damn it I’ve got a shotgun and I won’t be held responsible for who I bash over the head with it if you don’t get off my property you rascals.

Dennis Brent : …and Frazer Hines swears it’s true because he kept the ping pong ball as evidence.

Temple : My name is Temple and I’m here to investigate a murder.

Wollaston Brent : My boy Dennis has been murdered you say? Why this is most disturbing.

Dennis Brent : I’m alive, father. Fear not. It was only Donald who was killed.

Wollaston Brent : What will we do without Dennis? He was like a son to me. He may have been an appalling accident and only got born because my so called wife thought he was wind until he was too old to be aborted but I thought of him as one of the extended family.

Dennis Brent : You aren’t listening, father, I am Dennis and I am still thankfully alive.

Wollaston Brent : And now all I’ve got to console me in my old age is m’boy Donald. He is a fine chap. If I had to pick one of my sons to be brutally killed it would’ve been Dennis so a father can take some comfort in that.

Temple : Mr Brent, you don’t seem to be listening. Dennis Brent is alive and well.

Wollaston Brent : What? What was that? What did you say?

Dennis Brent : It’s true, father, I am alive and well.

Ian Devine : I can vouch for that, Wollaston Brent, Dennis Brent is alive and well.

Steve : Whereas Donald Brent was killed in one of Dennis Brent’s collecting rooms by a mysterious blackmailer calling himself Alan. My husband, Paul Temple, believes that Alan’s recent telephone call came from Mr Grantham while Ian Devine believes his earlier telephone call while we were having dinner in London was made by Mr Wicks. The postman, who collects letters, thinks that Alan may be mentally unbalanced.

Wollaston Brent : What is she babbling about?

Dennis Brent : She is sensibly recapping the plot, father, for your benefit and the benefit of those people who haven’t been paying attention for the past few weeks.

Wollaston Brent : Donald, you appear to be gibbering like your former brother. Do stop it or you too may find yourself bludgeoned about the head by person or persons unknown.

Dennis Brent : Father, how many times do I have to tell you, I am Dennis Brent.

Wollaston Brent : What? What was that? Who?

Dennis Brent : Dennis Brent. Clarence Dennis Brent – your superior son. Your only son now.

Wollaston Brent : My son? Not my long lost son Desmond Brent? I thought you were in Swansea m’boy, studying the fascinating technical details of The Prisoner.

Dennis Brent : Desmond? Who in the name of Patrick Alfred Troughton is Desmond Brent?

Wollaston Brent : I meant to tell you about him, Donald, but there never seemed to be a convenient moment.

Dennis Brent : So I still have a bother. Tell me, does he have a sensible moustache?

Wollaston Brent : He doesn’t but his partner Brian does.

Dennis Brent : Excuse me, Mr Temple, Ian Devine, father, I must away to the lavatory to vomit heartily.

Temple : Mr Brent, please understand me when I say that your son Dennis is alive. It was your son Donald who was killed.

Wollaston Brent : I don’t understand. Who would want to harm m’boy?

Ian Devine : Well, from what I heard from a slight acquaintance of mine in the Elk and Bush you have the milkman, the cheese man, the owner of Waterstones, three local radio presenters, the Bishop of Firkinside, the mayor of Shagford, eight mean spirited pacifists, the choir of St Fellatio’s, a coach load of German nudists who passed this way last November, nine closed minded publishers, William Shatner…

Wollaston Brent : I won’t let whoever did this get away with it. Mark my words, Mr Temple, I will have vengeance on whomever murdered Donald Brent. No one attacks a member of my family without paying for it. Except for if they attacked Dennis or my ex-wife. I would probably offer some kind of sponsorship if anyone was considering assaulting either of them. Come to think of it I haven’t seen my ex-wife for quite a while.

Ian Devine : Erm, crashing swiftly on as I have no idea where she is incarcerated and have certainly never dusted her every Thursday morning with my Doddy-duster…

Temple : Mr Brent, have you any ideas who might have wanted to kill Donald Brent?

Wollaston Brent : None at all. He was the kindest, sweetest, funniest son a father could ever hope for. Ah, wait, he once mentioned a shop keeper who threatened him. It was a Mr Jones I believe.

Ian Devine : Not Mr Jones of the open minded boutique?

Wollaston Brent : That’s the one.

Temple : I see. That’s most interesting. A man in his position would be very well able to blackmail a good many people.

Ian Devine : What a web of mayhem and intrigue.

Dennis Brent : That’s better. I have emptied my stomach thoroughly. I wouldn’t advise anyone to go in there as my vomiting triggered a rather aggressive bowel movement. Which reminds me, if you would sign here, Ian Devine.

Ian Devine : Certainly, Dennis Brent.

Temple : Steve, I wonder if… where is she?

Ian Devine : Who?

Temple : My wife.

Ian Devine : Ah yes. She asked me to tell you that she’s gone for a walk.

Temple : A walk?

Ian Devine : Yes.

Temple : Alone? But she’s only a woman. Did she say where she was going?

Ian Devine : Yes – she said she was going to take a stroll along the cliffs to Cliffhanger Point.