Constable : I’ve had an urgent message from a Mr Liam McLean.

Dennis Brent : He is currently lodging with my brother Donald Brent.

Constable : He says that Mr Donald Brent hasn’t been seen for several days.

Dennis Brent : But… my brother has a sensible moustache…

Temple : I think I should go round and see Mr McLean straight away.

Steve : I’m coming too, Paul.

Temple : Darling I don’t think it would be safe.

Steve : Would you prefer I stay here with Mr Brent and Mr Devine?

Temple : Very well!

(time passes)

Liam McLean : Oh Mr Temple – I am so worried about my friend… colleague Donald Brent.

Temple : What can you tell me about his movements?

Liam McLean : I am not that well acquainted with him, aside from co-signing his haemorrhoid graph for Doctor Bakewell…

Temple : I meant what he did in the hours leading up to his disappearance.

Liam McLean : Ah yes – my apologies – he was terribly worried about his brother, Dennis Brent. An odious man. Almost as utterly abhorrent as that wobbling dullard with whom he lives. They both waste their time on tedious hobbies while some of us are busy with the real work of Star Tr…

Temple : Never mind all that, McLean, what about Donald Brent?

Liam McLean : Yes indeed – further apologies – he was worried as I say. He decided to go round to Brent Towers and see if his brother was in a disadvantageous position. It has happened before – we once discovered Dennis Brent and Ian Devine huddled together in the airing cupboard. They claimed they were seeking sanctuary from a wasp and that the catch had become jammed but I have always had my doubts.

Steve : That does sound an extremely queer story, Mr McLean.

Liam McLean : Queer is the word, Mrs Temple, and well observed if I may say so. You have an excellent wife, Mr Temple, and one that must be in great demand amongst people who go in for that sort of thing.

Temple : Was Donald Brent being blackmailed?

Liam McLean : Donald Brent? Blackmailed? Ahahahaha. Highly droll, Mr Temple, highly droll. Donald Brent was a man of stainless character. He was, and it isn’t a word I bandy about, prudent. You would have to get up extremely early in the morning to gather evidence to blackmail Donald Brent.

Temple : Why? What did he do in the morning?

Liam McLean : Highly droll, Mr Temple. I was, of course, being colloquial. Donald Brent was always extremely careful that no stains be left on him.

Temple : So he decided to round to Dennis Brent’s house to make sure he was safe and well?

Liam McLean : He did. I offered to go with him but I had a pastry in the refrigerator and became distracted by the exquisite undulations of its golden…

Temple : Quite. So Donald Brent was alone in Brent Towers. Did anyone else know he was going there?

Liam McLean : I shouldn’t think so – he was a first class man, extremely prudent, but he was not popular amongst the peasants. He had few acquaintances aside from myself and our inner circle.

Temple : Can you think of anyone who would want to kill Donald Brent?

Liam McLean : Off the top of my head, only the milkman, the cheese man, the owner of Waterstones, three local radio presenters, the Bishop of Firkinside, the mayor of Shagford, eight mean spirited pacifists, the choir of St Fellatio’s, a coach load of German nudists who passed this way last November, nine closed minded publishers, William Shatner…

Temple : Does the name Alan ring any bells?

Liam McLean : Of course – Titchmarsh, Bennett, Hansen, Ball, Davies…

Temple : No no – just Alan. We believe he is the man behind this affair.

Liam McLean : Sadly I am unable to help you. And since you kindly mentioned pastries earlier I feel I must away to the pantry for luncheon. Good day, Mr Temple, Mrs Temple.

(time passes)

Steve : Well he was no help, dear!

Temple : On the contrary, Steve, he was very helpful indeed!

Steve : Oh Paul!

Steve : So what next, Mr Temple?

Temple : I need to speak to Sir Graham. I asked him to search Brent Towers to see if Donald Brent was killed in the house and if so where in the house.

(time passes)

Sir Graham : Well Temple you were quite right – my men have been over this entire place with a fine tooth comb and we’ve found signs of a struggle and some blood in one of the collection rooms.

Dennis Brent : I prefer the term "Archive Display Rooms" actually… wait… did you say there had been a scuffle in one of my ADRs? Which one? Is there any damage? My god – this is a disaster.

Sir Graham : Number Fourteen.

Dennis Brent : But that houses the remains of Richard Hurndall’s "Five Doctors" meal. It is priceless. Out of my way, officers.

Ian Devine : I’m right behind you, Dennis Brent. Although I’m getting further behind with every step.

Dennis Brent : Gyahgh. This is a nightmare come true – they have scratched the display case and… nooooo… there is a bloodstain on the fascinating technical display label.

Temple : There seems little doubt that the crime took place in this room.

Dennis Brent : I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a crime, Mr Temple, I feel disaster is a strong enough term.

Temple : I meant the murder of your brother.

Dennis Brent : Who? Oh yes. Sorry. My thoughts were elsewhere.

Ian Devine : (panting) I’m here. Have I missed anything?

Temple : I think I’ve seen all I need to see in here. Suddenly everything is much clearer.

Sir Graham : Excuse me, Temple, there is a telephone call for you.

Dennis Brent : They didn’t reverse the charges did they?

Temple : Did they say who it was?

Sir Graham : No – Constable Cliffhanger is holding the line. You’d better hurry.

Temple : I will.

Constable : Mr Temple is here now, sir. Here you go Mr Temple.

Temple : Hello? This is Paul Temple speaking.

Voice : Temple? This is your only warning. Stop investigating the Dennis Affair or your lives will be in danger.

Temple : Who is this?