Sir Graham : It’s as I feared, Temple. We found a body an hour or so ago.

Temple : A body?

Sir Graham : It was the body of a rather well dressed man. And he had a sensible moustache.

Steve : That sounds like the description that Ian Devine, who approached us in the restaurant where we were having dinner this evening and asked us to look into the disappearance of his friend Dennis Brent, gave of his missing friend who we think might have been murdered by a blackmailer.

Temple : Quite right, Steve.

Ian Devine : I can’t believe it – Dennis Brent dead. He was the finest man ever to include me as main beneficiary in his will. The world will not see his like again. I shall compose something fascinating for a commemorative edition of Mucky Devastation.

Sir Graham : You say that Brent was being blackmailed?

Temple : We don’t know that for sure – that is simply my theory. My wife would call it a ‘hunch’.

Steve : Oh Paul!

Temple : If we’re not careful she’ll start telling us about her female intuition!

Sir Graham : But seriously, do you think this man Brent was being blackmailed?

Temple : I do, Sir Graham, and by a particularly nasty blackmailer.

Sir Graham : Is there any reason why Brent would be blackmailed?

Ian Devine : I don’t wish to speak ill of the dead but I could give you a lengthy, and rather droll, list of reasons why my acquaintance could be blackmailed.

Sir Graham : Could you indeed. Could it be that you, Mr Devine, are Alan?

Ian Devine : Gasp.

Sir Graham : Well, Mr Devine?

Ian Devine : Dennis Brent was my oldest acquaintance. I valued him significantly ahead of my other two acquaintances – Wicks and Grantham. I would say, on balance, that each of them was worth only 20% of a Dennis Brent which means that collectively he was worth two and a half of them. Each.

Sir Graham : Wicks and Grantham you say? Would they have access to Brent’s private papers?

Steve : Such as the diary which was kept in a secret compartment under the floorboards but which was missing when we investigated his bedroom earlier tonight?

Ian Devine : I suppose they would.

Sir Graham : Would anyone else have access to his private quarters?

Ian Devine : Dennis Brent was very particular. He only let very upstanding gentlemen enter his private quarters.

Sir Graham : Did he have a cleaning woman?

Ian Devine : Oh no – we had no women. Well, apart from Miss Bobbins.

Sir Graham : Miss Bobbins?

Ian Devine : Felicity Bobbins. She lodges with us. I can’t quite remember why.

Sir Graham : Could she be Alan?

Ian Devine : Oh yes – it’s much more likely to be here. Women aren’t chaps you know. You can rely on a chap.

Steve : Well thank you very much!

Ian Devine : Richly comic, Mrs Temple. I was of course referring to young flibbertigibbets like Miss Bobbins. You can, most certainly, be trusted.

Temple : Tell me, Devine, you say you know the contents of Brent’s will.

Ian Devine : That is not substantially incorrect.

Temple : And that you benefit from that will?

Ian Devine : A small bequest but one which I am honoured to accept on behalf of the nation.

Temple : Who else stood to gain from Brent’s will? His house is very impressive and I imagine he was a wealthy man.

Ian Devine : His Uncle Gaylord left him a substantial private income and he has invested it in a solid but unspectacular collection of memorabilia. It is inferior to my own private museum but a less educated man might find some mildly diverting trifles.

Temple : I notice that you didn’t answer my question. Who else was named in Brent’s will?

Ian Devine : Bequests were made, assuming that he predeceased us, to his brother Donald, to myself, to Wicks and Grantham, Mr Jones, Doctor Flapjack, Miss Bobbins, the Bendaton Elk Sanctuary, Save the Moose, Nigel Gusset and, if he could be found within one month of Dennis Brent’s death, Brian Creswell.

Temple : That’s quite a lengthy list.

Ian Devine : It is deceptively long – Dennis Brent was not a popular man.

Temple : Who is Mr Jones?

Ian Devine : He is an open minded gentleman who runs a shop specialising in items which similarly open minded gentlemen might find themselves in need of.

Temple : And this man Creswell?

Ian Devine : He was briefly Dennis Brent’s friend. But it was a shallow and hollow friendship not like the solidly rooted acquaintanceship that Dennis Brent and I have… had. Brian Creswell was also a flibbertigibbet.

Temple : And Gusset?

Ian Devine : A teenage boy that Dennis Brent occasionally uses for special purposes.

Temple : I see. I think the first course of action would be to question everyone on that list to find out what they were doing on the night of the murder.

Sir Graham : But that’s tonight!

Temple : By Timothy, so it is!

Ian Devine : I wish it placed on record that I have an alibi.

Temple : Don’t worry, Devine, I’ve noted it!

(time passes)

Temple : Slow down, dear, you’re doing nearly fifty.

Steve : Are you saying you’d rather drive?

Temple : By Timothy, no! You’d never let me hear the end of it!

Steve : Paul, you’re really worried about this case aren’t you?

Temple : Yes, Steve, I am. I think this person who calls himself Alan could be very dangerous indeed. I think you should stay in London where you’ll be safer.

Steve : Oh Paul!

Temple : What’s that – up ahead in the middle of the road?

Steve : Oh Paul! It looks like a cliff hanger.

Temple : Look out Steve!