“We can’t let them kill Elkie” I announced. They roared their agreement (all except Ian Devine who seemed distracted by the idea of elk pie, elk burgers and elk sandwiches). “I have decided on a three point plan to secure Elkie’s release” I explained.

“Good man” said Wicks.

“Sensible thinking” agreed Grantham.

“One – we are, henceforth, to be known as Brent’s 7. An homage to the second greatest science fiction serial made by the BBC.”

“But there aren’t seven of us” blabbed Ian Devine.

“That didn’t stop Terry Nation <g>” I said wittily. There followed a lengthy discussion about whether there were seven members, if so when and who. In the end I had to compromise.

“Right – based on the rather fascinating discussion we’ve had, I can officially declare that we are within our rights to name the following group Brent’s Seven. Myself (Dennis Brent), Ian Devine, Wicks, Grantham, Felicity Bobbins’ sensible side, Felicity Bobbins’ unusual side and, in lieu of Orac, my Swiss Army penknife with its sixty nine different tools.”

“Well said Dennis Brent” said Ian Devine.

“Nothing in the world can stop us now” added Grantham.

“Who is who?” quibbled Wicks. “Who is Avon and who is Vila?”

“Does it matter?” I demanded.

“I think it does – if you’re going to take the Blake role, I need to know whether I am cowardly or sneering” said Wicks.

“Hang on” said Ian Devine, “there are three of us chaps and only two roles to fill.”

“You could be Olag Gan” said Grantham.

“I hardly think that is funny.”

“I thought it rather witty” I said and we three roared with laughter. Only humourless Ian Devine was left unaffected by mirth.

“I am not joining your club if I can’t be Avon” decided Ian Devine.

“If he is allowed to issue a nolle prosequi” added Grantham, “then I am not joining unless I can be Tarrant.”

“You can’t have Tarrant and Blake together” I insisted, “It would ruin the whole thing.”

“Excuse me” said Felicity Bobbins. “We were about to save a life…”

“I suppose I wouldn’t mind being Jenna” mumbled Ian Devine. “Or Soolin.”

“That’s not fair – if Ian Devine can cross gender lines then I want to be Cally” snapped Wicks. “I’m the most sensitive.”

“Dayna kicks a-s-s” added Grantham. “I want to be Dayna so I too will be able to kick some a-s-s.”

“Shouldn’t we be getting a plan to rescue…” chipped in Miss Bobbins but again she was drowned out by our fascinating technical discussion.

“I don’t see why, if we’re on the subject, I should have to be Blake” I observed. “I mean, he was the main character for the first two seasons but then he disappeared. And for much of that time he was utterly outperformed by other members of the cast. I want it made clear that I am not merely a figurehead – Dennis is the leader of this group for the full duration and not merely until the half way mark.”

“Who is going to be Zen?” Wicks inquired.

“Ian Devine” joked Grantham, “he’s big enough to play a space craft.” We roared, again minus the humour-free Ian Devine.

“This is no laughing matter” snapped our tubby friend. “I think we need to vote on matters.”

“I agree” I replied.

“Me too” added Wicks.

“I disagree” said Grantham. We took a vote on whether we should accept majority decisions and Grantham was defeated. We then took seven more staggered ballots (employing a number of different fascinating democratic models) and the end result was that our team was comprised as follows –

Dennis Brent – both Blake and Tarrant (though a Tarrant who doesn’t let himself be pushed to one side).

Ian Devine – Avon (though we made him swear on the grave of Sydney Newman that he wouldn’t shoot me in the stomach).

Grantham – Jenna and Soolin (because his hair was the lightest and he said he would make his own costumes <g>)

Wicks – Cally (because he convinced us he could be sensitive without sounding h-o-m-o-s-e-x-u-a-l)

Felicity Bobbins (declined to play our game because she said there were more important matters to discuss so we let her be Peter Tuddenham since he fulfilled multiple personalities)

My Swiss army pen knife with its sixty nine tools – Orac for obvious reasons.

Once all of the above was in writing, we got together to form a plan of campaign.

“What was it we were going to do?” asked Wicks.

“Um” said Grantham.

“Ah” added Ian Devine. “Something to do with food.”

“No no no” I chided. “It was… perhaps Miss Bobbins would like to recapitulate since she is female and therefore prone to taking notes in shorthand.”

“Wooooooooooo. They’re going to make meat out of Dennis Brent’s special elk friend and bad men will eat her unless we save her life from the meat madness men.”

“Oh cripes” exclaimed Wicks.

“Thundering heck” added Grantham.

“Meat?” slobbered Ian Devine.

“Right – does anyone have a plan?” I asked. Suddenly the door burst open and several police constables piled in.

“We’ve been listening to your conversation” said Constable Lentil. “You have formed a terrorist cell and must be arrested.”

“You mean the room is bugged?” I gasped. The cunningness was beyond anything I’d previously experienced from Bendaton’s boys in blue.

“No – we were just having tea and buns with Donald Brent and lets us use his toilet. But one at a time so there was quite a queue. That’s when we heard you talking about forming a gang and committing crimes of violence.”

“That is absurd – we were discussing the television series Blake’s Seven.”

“I don’t think so” said Donald Brent from the door. “That series had no characters called ‘Avon’ or ‘Tarrant’ or any of that nonsense. Everyone knows Blake’s 7 was comprised of Blake, Nyder, Davros, Thal, Dalek, Marinus and the computer Skaro.”

“Good heavens” I exclaimed. “That is fascinating – I don’t suppose you have any production materials I could look at…”

“Constables – arrest them for being dangerous terrorists” instructed Donald. “This is exactly like the Tomorrow People story ‘Day of the Ladeks’ by Louis Marks where terrorists cross dimensional boundaries to commit crimes and change events in their reality.”

“I think you should come with us” insisted the constables. Brent’s 7 – not yet having even carried out our first mission – were already being imprisoned.