Monster of Peladon

"The Monster of Peladon" is a very, very dull story. It remains the subject of possibly the most stupidly insane abuse of good money I have ever felt ashamed to have perpetrated: the dark day when I spent £16.99p on the double tape video of the story, EVEN THOUGH I HAD IT TAPED FROM UKGOLD ALREADY. JUST TO GET THE CLIFFHANGERS. When I watch it today, I usually fast forward those same cliffhangers. Sometimes I fast-forward a lot of the story as well.

So miserable is this end-of-season, overlong plod on Doctor Who's dullest planet that my most immediate memory of it is not of an Oscar-baiting performance by Nina Thompson, or of the scary nature of the Ice Warriors and their ill-fitting costumes, or even of the usually-dependable Jon Pertwee, here bored stiff and probably counting down the days. No, it's of stuntman Terry Walsh. Dear Terry Walsh and his big fight scene, during which he's more visible in his big white wig than Pertwee himself. Walsh is as much a part of the 'UNIT family' for us as Katy Manning or Nicholas Courtney, so in the words of "Resistance is Useless", "it's his process I'd like to... sing".

Terry Walsh has become an icon of the Pertwee years. Due to his physical and follicular dis-similarity to Pertwee (and later Baker), he is like an old friend hiding somewhere in every adventure; he's the guard on the gate at Global Chemicals, the solider killed at the start of "Death to the Daleks" and a legion of tumbling, motorbike-riding Doctors down the years. Watching Doctor Who now, it's become traditional to pick out his every appearance in the same way bad CSO or rare appearances of Bessie with its hood up are noted. Although his association with the series stretched well beyond the Third Doctor's era, it was no coincidence that "Planet of the Spiders" allowed us to say goodbye to him and his friends, Stuart Fell and Pat Gorman. People complain about the lengthy chase sequence, but after five years of taking all the knocks and hits for our heroes, of rolling around in dusty quarries and dressing up in Jo Grant's white trouser suit, it was the least Terry and his chums deserved.

Despite this, I have to admit that Terry shattered my illusions about my favourite Doctor on more than one occasion. I can recall the odd sinking feeling upon suddenly realising that the man who was bravely fighting for the freedom of Peladon or protecting Jo Grant was not my beloved Doctor at all. And then experiencing the next shot, when we see the rotten cheat crouched as if recovering from his duel. And suddenly the brave Doctor becomes Jon Pertwee the Showman again. An act. A pretence. A fraud.

Silly really. I know Jon Pertwee never REALLY saved the Universe. But at least he could have pretended to, even during the dangerous bits. We said goodbye to Terry Walsh last year, the jaunty quips on his obituary thread being "first the Queen Mother, and now Terry Walsh! What's the world coming to!" and "I bet he's up there in Heaven, pretending to be Jon Pertwee". Well how were we to know that Walsh's son had just started posting? We all loved him though, still do. He's an icon, a legend, and we've never even heard him speak. He was the one that REALLY saved the Universe for us all.