Kinda

"Kinda" came top of TARDIS magazine's season poll in 1981 you know. Well, it was either top or bottom, I can't quite remember. Paul Cornell called it the Best Doctor Who Story Ever in his review of the video in "Dreamwatch". And every comment on the story has to involve the big rubber snake somewhere, even if only to point out that it doesn't really matter.

Yet we're still no nearer knowing whether "Kinda" is the best or the worst story ever. Like Axonite, it defies analysis. It belongs to the elite club - The Clever Stories. We don't understand it; therefore it must be smarter than we are. There must be a message somewhere, something incredibly profound that we can't quite translate, whether it be written by Kate Bush, some kind of symbolism or something to do with Buddhism. That's a good one isn't it? Does anyone actually know anything about Buddhism? Or how a Doctor Who story can possibly be "about" it (considering that Buddha, whoever he is, failed to put in an appearance anywhere in TV Who). No. Which is why we cannot possibly bring this story down. The author has either been incredibly clever (Dukkha = Doctor) or deftly pulled the wool over our eyes. And as with anyone who has become dragged into an argument where they know less about the subject of the debate than their opponent, we have to assume he's right or else risk looking stupid.

Yet we should really have had the courage to stick our necks out and berate "Kinda" because it only works on one level, and we're not entirely sure if it makes any sense on that one. "Planet of the Spiders" might also have something to say about Buddhism, but we're more comfortable with that because Jon Pertwee gets to ride a helicopter thing and there are big spiders everywhere. For those bothered, there is doubtless some solace to be gathered from the witterings of Cho-Je, for everyone else it's still a great story. But what else is "Kinda" about? "Boxes"? It has boxes in it. But then "Ambassadors of Death" has lots of rockets in it. Is that commenting on the importance of size over performance? The truth is, it fails to work on any immediate level because it doesn't make sense. We are expected to feel aglow when Hindle screams "you can't mend people!", but if the Doctor's expression suggests he's sussed the importance of this, I'm buggered if I do. Which people? The Kinda? The missing expedition members? The paper soldiers? It's symbolism with just the symbols, and no meanings to attach to them.

I suspect there may be more in the infamous Giant Snake than mere debate over whether it matters or not. Nobody accepts the Giant Rat in "Talons" as anything other than a failed bit of costume design, yet frequently the Snake is the main topic of discussion when talking about "Kinda", which is odd given that this is a story which apparently has much more to say than most. But discussing a dodgy monster is something we're far more at home with and less liable to be shown up about. It's a lot easier than wondering what the "wheel" that Panna mumbled about actually is, or is a metaphor for. The danger in a story that's cited to contain lots of symbols and metaphors is that everything can be passed off as being a clever interpretation of something else, without us ever knowing why. It's a shame that everything graspable on a level we can understand - the sets, the monster, the plot - is so lacking, or we might have been able to enjoy it anyway.

When we're torn between wondering if it matters or not that the main monster is a big rubber snake, we're not actually asking this question (this is Doctor Who, remember). We're asking ourselves if the story can be trusted to stand up on that extra level we don't fully understand. Has it any worth beyond what we can see? Because what we can merely see is a bit rubbish looking. I believe they used to call it the Emperors New Clothes. Sarah Sutton was quite glad to get out of this one because it meant she could do some shopping. Quite honestly, who can blame her?