The Androids of Tara

In all fairness, a lot of Doctor Who characters stretch the definition of the very word 'character'. And quite rightly; the series was a jobbing favourite, and actor after actor down the years has delighted in showing up, performing a star turn, and winning the much-coveted respect of their kids. It's a shame that guest-stars didn't also covet equal admiration from their peers, or a lot of them might have seen it as a challenge to give us their best acting performance as well. Yet perhaps this was part of the fun. Doctor Who was always a friendly show to work on, and it took a lot to actually go unnecessarily over the top (come in Darrow) so few ever did.

Equally, on the odd occasion, Doctor Who threw up a character and a performance that was a little bit different. One that was real. One that we could empathise with. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Madam Lamia! Madame Lamia occupies a footnote at the bottom of a forgotten page in the Doctor Who bible; it's the one between Lady Adastra and Leeson, John, but the pages have been stuck together with dried coffee. Where was Lois Baxter's creation when they compiled the photo montage in the Twentieth Anniversary Radio Times special? Why wasn't Madam Lamia drawn badly in Lesley Standering's A-Z? Did they forget to include Baxter's Broth in the Doctor Who Cookbook?

When Doctor Who characters are miserable, all too often it's because they are a prisoner. Or being tortured. Or a Dalek Duplicate. Madam Lamia is free to roam about Castle Gracht as she pleases, she's just miserable because she hates her job and her life. How many characters in Doctor Who are grumpy simply because they have a crap job? But it's when we delve into the tragic past of the character that things really get interesting. Madam Lamia is, it turns out, a prisoner after all, but a prisoner of unrequited love for the rotten Count Grendel. She's fallen for him hook, line and sinker, even though she KNOWS he's a bad egg. To top it all, we later learn that the origin of this affection is a certain "kindness" that Grendel once showed her! And this is a kids programme?

To carry on loving someone after they have abandoned you, and always hoping they will start to love you again, are very human and touching things to discover in a Saturday teatime show featuring a hunchback, a time travelling fisherman and a man in a Gorilla suit. The only other character that behaves in such a pitiful, understanding way is Tasembeka in "Revelation of the Daleks". Her "what's it got to do with you!" when confronted with the fact that she is "wasting her time" with Jobel draws a neat parallel with Lamia's stunning admission to Romana that being mistreated by Grendel is "better than nothing". And it's all the more unexpected in a story otherwise filled with the aforementioned clichéd jobsworths; Paul Lavers eager young Swordsman Farrah and Simon Lack... well, we're all still trying to work out just what he was doing there.

The only thing that's regrettable about Lamia is her demise, and even that is interesting for Grendel's reaction. Where-as Tasembeka achieves poetic justice just before her death, stabbing Jobel through the heart with a syringe, Lamia dies like all good heroes, by accident. Picked off by a stray bullet or, as is the case here, electronic bolt. Grendel reacts in the way any thoughtless arrogant old bully would. "Stop, you fools, you've shot Madam Lamia!". And what is that in his eyes as he confirms the inevitable? It's not sorrow, or fear, but mild regret. Now he's going to have to find a new Android surgeon! Grendel isn't evil, he just doesn't care. And many of us know what it's like to try and win favour with someone who doesn't care.

So let's all remember poor, love struck Madam Lamia. Loyal, scarred and forever afflicted with pointless love for someone who would never love her back. Rarely has anyone in Doctor Who before or since appeared so touchingly human.