Before I tell my little story I will set the scene, I have been at my current job for around a year now. I have exceeded all my competencies, things you need to do your job apparently, I have met or exceeded all my objectives. Basically these things are meaningless guides as there is absolutely no difference between what happens if you meet them or if you do not as will become clear.

See we have the Pensions manager who will know be called UselessBitch, as basically that explains her skill and her role in the company, who will not make decisions and ignores everything in front of her. Then we have my Supervisor (Super), whom at first I was a little unsure of but through time I have come to like, I like to think my sarcastic humour and wit has lightened her up. Perhaps it was the time I sent her an email informing her "Maybe its just me that’s special then, or at least my mother tells me so".

Getting to the story, yes there really is one, I get a little email at 9.03am for my super, thank god I was in on time, "have you got a minute". Immediately I thought of the response "for you anytime" but I was half asleep and thought better of it so I slowly climbed the stairs knowing what was coming. As today was pay increase day!

To sum up my expectations I had high hopes, knowing the company they were in hindsight unrealistically high hopes based on common sense, which is sadly lacking at my place of work. Oh my hopes were also based on comments received from UselessBitch where I backed her into a corner and she gave the answer I knew she must. That is the advantage of having a total incompetent in charge of the department, you can manoeuvre them around to your advantage before they see what is coming.

Yes so I reach my Super, "Hiya, this sounds ominous, I’m sure I can explain." I know it was a sad useless little thing to say but it made me smile and my team-mates too. She wanders of obviously I am supposed to follow, so we make the meaningless chat as we proceed to the "coffee area" and get seated.

So anyway I open my envelope, already seeing the fear in my supers eyes, I quickly scan the page looking for the magic figure. Like a hawk I zoom in with surprising speed however it does take me not one, not two but three glances to take in the figure laid down before me. Well to say I was disappointed would be an understatement; it was a slap in the face with a wet fish!

I think (I was stunned at this point) my first words were, "I will be leaving within three months, this isn’t a joke it is simply a disgrace." At which point Super says don’t leave just yet we can arrange a meeting with UselessBitch, to be honest I wonder why but what have I got to lose? Not a lot at the current rate anyway.

So I mutter my reasons why I feel so harshly treated and my Super agrees, it is an annoying habit she possesses and it gets me every time as to persist in my complaints then would be futile since she agrees. I wander back down the corridor to get the next unlucky Muppet, thinking why should I have to have another meeting to get an appropriate pay rise? I have put my points examples forward yet they slap me in the face like this.

Alas I will see UselessBitch sometime next week, I am sure this will be in vain so I shall just lodge a formal complaint straight after. Of course at some point in the meeting I am bound to voice the point that she is a lying cow who, on the three unfortunate occasions we have conversed, has lied to me. Further to this at the anything else stage, which always comes in so we can waste a few more minutes of the day, I am also highly likely to tell her "A free way to improve morale would be to put someone capable in your position", ok more likely it will be "Yes, to reply to your comments on ways to improve morale YOU can do it yourself if you simply acknowledged your staff, knew their names, asked if they are ok after sickness issues, handed things to them not just their Super. You see Management is called such as you manage the people, something you appear to be struggling on". I will say that just so I can see my Super's face, as I know she thinks exactly the same.

I’m back down in the Project Room, my little haven of safety and its only 9.45am, oh god not a good start to a long day!