The A to Z of Inspector Morse (part 1)

Foreword

"Hello, readers! It wouldn't really be a book about Inspector Morse without one or two lines of my immortal prose, would it? I am immensely proud that the grumpy, beer-loving detective I created over twenty years ago is still as popular as ever, still getting it all wrong and blaming the ever-suffering Sergeant Lewis, still falling for the wrong women, and still driving that wonderful Jaguar. Now as you probably know, I've appeared in every episode of the series, something that only John Thaw and Kevin Whately have done as well. Sadly, I've only ever spoken one line, and that was in Deadly Slumber, when I got to say "Mister Brewster" in one of the college scenes. It was a charming idea, and it worked very well. I am currently writing a new novel about Morse, and this time, it really is the end, but I can't tell you anything else about it now. Finally, I would like to recommend this book to you. The author is an honourable man, and I defend to the last drop of blood his right to hold an opinion, even if I disagree. I was going to say something else, but the editors came to me and said, I'm sorry - we had to cut that line! Enjoy the book, as I have endeavoured to do so!"

Colin Dexter, May 1997

Introduction

It was at eight o'clock on the sixth of January 1987, that ITV broadcast the first in a series of films about a lonely, cantankerous, crossword-loving detective, who was known simply as Inspector Morse. An educated man who loves Greek mythology and quotations as much as beer and fast driving, a romantic yet unlucky in love, this mass of contradictions have enthralled 750 million people around the world.

Morse and his dogsbody Sergeant Lewis first appeared in 1975, in the novel Last Bus To Woodstock, but their creator Colin Dexter freely admits that the real success of the characters came when John Thaw and Kevin Whately took the roles in the Central Television series. Surprisingly, for such a popular television series, there has been just one book published about it, Mark Sanderson's lightweight tribute, The Making Of Inspector Morse, which does not delve deeply enough into the enticing cauldron that is the UK's most popular police drama. Thankfully, in An A-Z of Inspector Morse, there are no holds barred, and we look at all aspects of this cultural phenomenon, from Morse's rivals at Thames Valley police, the many women with whom he has attempted to make love to, and the stories themselves, from the sublime - Second Time Around - to the ridiculous - Twilight Of The Gods - and back again.

Jerrard Habris, May 1997

A

"ARSE ABOUT FACE"

Morse admits candidly in The Silent World Of Nicholas Quinn, "I sometimes...sometimes...get things arse about face". However, during a repeat showing of the story in 1996, it was a Central Television continuity announcer who got things arse about face, when during what was obviously a deliberately silent lip-reading class, he said, "We apologise for the loss of sound on Inspector Morse".

B

BOOKS

One of Morse's favourite pastimes is the collecting and reading of fine literature. Unfortunately, along with his passions for wine and opera, they turn out to be his temporary downfall in Happy Families, when a journalist for a fictional newspaper, The News, starts harassing him. After the murder of Sir John Balcombe, a millionaire, Morse is shocked to be photographed relaxing at home. He is even more enraged by the following day's edition of The News, which implies that the great detective prefers to sit at home drinking, rather than attempt to solve the case. Despite the fact that this is true, Morse immediately explodes:

"Is it a crime to like books? To like music? They make them sound like vices! Worse, the pastimes of someone foolish!"

Sadly, Morse finds little sympathy in his superior. Chief Superintendent Strange is on holiday in Bangkok, and his replacement, Chief Superintendent Holdsby, is driven by a desire for promotion, which needs a lot of good publicity and therefore a good relationship with the press. Unfortunately, Morse hates this kind of shabby behaviour, and refuses to co-operate. As more members of the Balcombe family are murdered ("Why is the police mortuary starting to look like the Balcombe family morgue?" quips a hack), Morse looks even more foolish, and even with Lewis calmly handling the press conferences, he cannot keep the journalists away from him. Eventually, Holdsby arrives at his house to inform him that someone else will be taking over from him.

MORSE: "I've never been taken off a case in my life. Never!"

(Of course, he has - in Driven To Distraction)

HOLDSBY: "You have to understand. This case is ruining me. I have to have a winner. I'm sorry."

MORSE: "Get out."

HOLDSBY: "I'm your superior officer, Morse..."

MORSE: "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

The action then moves to the annual police charity fete, which Morse has been compelled to attend by Holdsby. Picking up a book from a stall, he realises exactly what has been going on, and who the murderer is. Turning to the ever present journalist and photographer from The News, he bellows, "Go on, take my picture, take it now!"

After picking up Lewis from his job on the Wheel of Fortune ("Round and round and round she goes, where she stops, no-one knows!"), Morse dashes off and the murderer is finally arrested. With the press surrounding him, a journalist asks him how he got his break. Deadpan, he replies:

"It was something I read in a book."

C

CHIEF CONSTABLE, The

The scourge of Thames Valley CID. Although never seen onscreen, his emphasis on financial stringency and 'doing things the right way' are a constant source of anguish for Chief Superintendent Strange. After Morse has done something irregular, or made one of his many mistakes, Strange will always exclaim: "But what the hell am I going to tell the Chief Constable?"

D

DEXTER, Colin

The creator of Inspector Morse, who devised "The Gentle Romantic With The Flair For A Puzzle" during a wet holiday to North Wales during the mid-Seventies. His partial deafness has not prevented him becoming a much respected after-dinner speaker and occasional guest on Call My Bluff.

E

ENDEAVOUR

Morse's inexplicable, and totally unbelievable first name. All those who thought it was Earnest, Edward, or even Eric were thus denied their moment of glory. Those that had said it was Endeavour all along were conspicuous by their absence.

F

FIELD, Harry and Helen

Husband and wife in the not very imaginatively titled Who Killed Harry Field, a sumptuous look into an artistic underworld. Harry's father, also named Harry, pioneers a great phrase in an answering machine message to his son, describing Paul Eirl, a millionaire as "a....shit. Of the first water". The explanation behind this is unclear, although the word "shit" with a long pause before it crops up on another recorded message, this time from Helen Field. Unluckily for Harry, he is already dead before these messages are taped.

G

GIELGUD, Sir John

One of Britain's finest living actors, whose talent has graced stage and screen for sixty years, Sir John Gielgud's acting ability is matched only by his mysterious, asexual private life. However, when he appeared in Twilight Of The Gods, he hammed it up like a buffoon, talking meaninglessly about "the proctors" and completely upstaging John Thaw. Even worse was Robert Hardy, who was constantly ranting about "knobheads". Of course, the actors were working from an abominable Julian Mitchell script with many verbal disasters (see Twilight Of The Gods).

H

"HAVE YOU SEEN THE LATEST VIEWING FIGURES?"

A terribly misguided caption for a photograph published in Mark Sanderson's sycophantic look at the series, The Making Of Inspector Morse.

To be continued...