Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting…

And so on. It’s always best to start proceedings of a violent nature with the cod-violent words of a one hit (geddit?!?) wonder. The Ultimate Fighting Championship isn’t something most people have heard of. It’s something even fewer know anything about and yet there are always plenty of people willing to condemn it whenever a show is proposed in their state or country. It happened when UFC ran a show at the Royal Albert Hall. They called it human cock fighting (though personally I’ve never understood how two humans could fight with their cocks), they said it should be banned, they described it as barbaric. It is all typically ignorant Daily Mail hysteria. A little background to help this article along.

UFC was born in 1993 and the initial press releases – claiming it was "banned in 49 states" and that finally people would see "real no holds barred fighting" – did the company no favours in the long run. The early tournaments saw lots of big, tough brawlers go into the Octagon (the eight sided cage used for UFC fights) and be humbled by a Brazilian martial artist named Royce Gracie. Gracie, who fought in the traditional white dressing gown, had a pretty dull style which involved getting on top of his foes and staying there until they’d had enough. Real fighting it may have been but viewers expecting blood and gore were usually disappointed. Even pot bellied, goatee bearded David "Tank" Abbot – who provided some relief with his unscientific style of punching people until they fell over – was worn down by the boring Brazilian.

I saw UFC 1 and wasn’t too impressed. But I then got hold of a tape of UFC Ultimate Ultimate 96 – a tournament featuring previous winners of the UFC (think the Five Doctors but with gloves on). This was more entertaining as the style of combat had evolved considerably between 93 and 96. And that is the key to UFC – evolution. At first it was a battle between skilled and unskilled fighters. Then it became grapplers vs strikers. Now most fighters are cross trained. They may specialise in kick boxing, jujitsu or wrestling but they know that skills on the ground are as crucial as punching and defending. While boxing has stood still (or gone backwards) over the past decade, UFC (and Mixed Martial Arts in general) have progressed.

And so to UFC 43 which came through my letter box like a perverted postman one day last week. I was curious to know what modern UFC was like having only read names on internet reports and seen the odd photo. The show opened with the host telling us that someone important wasn’t there. I had to remind myself that this wasn’t WWE and that saying someone wasn’t in the building didn’t automatically mean that they were. UFC’s problem is that they don’t generate enough revenue from their pay-per-views to guarantee big money to the fighters. With more to be made working in Japan (and relations between the big companies often being strained) once a guy becomes a star in UFC his price goes up and once his existing contract expires it becomes complicated.

The most notable thing about the opening match was that one of the fighters only had one pectoral muscle. This gave him a huge dent in his chest. Otherwise he was in very good shape but lost to the better (and more famous man). It was a mark of how far the sport has become legit and regulated that all fighters wore gloves with "NSAC"  written on in biro (to show the gloves had been approved by the Nevada State Athletic Commission) and whenever someone was cut a doctor would be summoned into the Octagon to assess the wound.

There was a Brit involved – Ian Freeman was his name and he was bald, had a bit of a beer belly and came from Sunderland. "Sunderland, England" as the commentator reminded us. A bit of unnecessary detail as absolutely anyone who cared about Sunderland already knew where it was. Your average American isn’t going to bother himself over the hometown of an English guy who is obviously going to lose to the sleek, black, American with the silly name. But, hold hard, Ian did the business and hung on for a 3 round draw with Vernon the Tiger. G-r-r-r-r-eat.

Coming straight after a fifteen minute tie which wasn’t even dull came a very rapid destruction job. Brazilian born-again Christian Vitor Belfort ripped his hapless opponent apart and then ignored all the interviewer’s questions in the post-fight chat and kept thanking Jesus. It makes me want to trot out an old joke – "after all this time Vitor Belfort has found Jesus. Mind you, if Vitor Belfort was looking for me I’d go into hiding too."

After a fascinating lightweight match we entered the carnival portion of the show. Yes – the big bellied Tank Abbot returned to UFC to fight another mainstay of early shows, Kimo. Kimo used to enter the ring with a full sized cross on his back. Thankfully he no longer does. But he does resemble a heavily juiced up Mick from Brookside. What was intended to be a clash of UFC legends (a moniker earned more for being colourful than being successful) turned out to be shorter than either man’s ring entrance. Abbot demonstrably proved that the last ten years had passed without him learning anything while Kimo had grasped enough technique to get an arm round Tank’s neck and choke him out. It was a fun match while it lasted but it felt oddly out of place amongst contests of actual skill.

The main event was for the "interim light heavyweight championship". The fighter mentioned earlier who wasn’t in the building was the actual light heavyweight champion. But, in case he didn’t agree to fight again, they were crowning an interim champion. Confused? So was I. And a desire not to see any spoilers for future events (there have been five or six more held since UFC43) means I don’t know how the story ended. Did the actual champion come back and fight the interim champ? Or did the hiatus belt become the real title? Time will tell. Hype, on the other hand, doesn’t tell. We were informed by learned men with slick video editing skills that Randy Couture and Chuck Liddell were evenly matched. So evenly matched that you couldn’t get Victoria Beckham between them. The only difference seemed to be that one man had a shaved Mohican while the other was thinning on top in that way that is impossible to disguise without either shaving or wigging. A one sided fight was the last thing we were going to get… and, as the final bout on the card, a one sided fight was indeed the last thing we got before the show ended. It was a good fight and it made me want to see more MMA action.

So overall I was hugely impressed with what I saw. The ignorant may condemn it for being barbaric but if they watched a show they’d see skilled, highly regulated combat within a strictly enforced set of rules. They’d see that while boxing focuses all the punishment on the skull, UFC involves the entire body. These guys actually have to train with their minds as well as their bodies. Being big and gassed up won’t help in the octagon if you don’t know a wristlock from a wristwatch (as the late Gorilla Monsoon would say). I’ve added a bunch more UFC shows to my Screenselect wish list and here’s hoping that more will come through my letter box like a ran… oh, I’ve already said that.