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The serial contains perhaps the best moment
of floundering in the show’s history. The line "I overheard them
talking" reduces the speaker to mush as he flaps and flails like a
drowning man. "I heard them over… over… over… talking" he flims and
flams while the masks of himself and his colleague hide two very
different facial reactions.
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The culture of sound byte politics is
expertly, and very prophetically, satirised by Peter R Newman in the
First Elder. Almost his entire first scene is a non-stop list of
Blairist sound bytes. Ask him a direct question and he will reply with a
slightly twee slogan rather than an actual reply.
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Ian, science teacher remember, says they are
in no danger of hitting the Sense Sphere in the plummeting space ship as
the planet is "miles away".
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Ian, science teacher you should still remember, doesn't
seem to have heard of molybdenum. Either that or he is remarkably
restrained as the Doctor explains it to him in very simple terms.
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Since there was actually no monster in the
aqueduct and the humans were only aware of the Doctor and Ian when they
caught them in part six, what exactly attacked the Doc and shredded his
jacket?
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Is it me or does Babs look rather tanned
after her two weeks "up in the space ship?" Was Margate particularly
sunny that fortnight?
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Ian gives a bizarre reply when the human
nutters announce that they’ve found some more intruders in the tunnels.
"Hang on – we didn’t know anything about this warning system" he cries.
Ask yourself, if you were a burglar caught in a warehouse would you say
to the police "Hang on – I didn’t know this place had an alarm." Berk.
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The City Administrator’s sidekick may be the
show’s first true bitch slave. He loves being dominated by Peter Glaze,
his most pathetic moment being his pleading "Command me!" when he hasn’t
had an order for a couple of minutes.
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The Doctor says "The one purpose in growing
old is to accumulate knowledge and wisdom and to help other people"
which is three things. Mind you, he is getting on a bit…
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What was the point of the discussion about
the Sensorite’s caste system? "There is no disgrace being in any of the
castes" says their Sensorite guide, shortly after telling them not to
talk to members of the "lower" caste.
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And if the three castes are Elders, Warriors
and Others, doesn’t that mean the scientists featured are members of the
lower caste and therefore the Doctor’s party shouldn’t talk to them?
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And what do they need a warrior class for if
the First Elder trusts all his people implicitly and "treason and secret
plotting are impossible"? If they don’t have subversion, why do they
need so many warriors?
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Who can fail to love
this
photograph of a maskless First Elder from the DWM First Doctor
Special? Can anyone deny that he looks EXACTLY as you would expect him
to look? If a six foot tall black man had been under that mask we
would've jumped a good three feet in the air and another two feet
backwards.
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The City Administrator's
hair changes on a weekly basis. In some shots of episode four he looks
like he's got a really ugly perm.
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His voice changes too. In
his first episode he speaks normally but later gains a sinister and evil
and naughty voice.
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Why does Ian exclaim "I'm
glad you're on my side" when he realises the Doctor is leaving little
chalk marks on the pillars they pass? Is he afraid of chalk? Is he one
of those magical beings which is rendered helpless at the sight of a
chalk circle?
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Speaking of Mr Chesterton,
when he asks if he can drink the aqueduct water he says "I'm very
thirsty" in a very strange way which makes me wonder if he forgot he was
talking to the planet's leader and instead thinks he's addressing a
three year old.
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Let us never forget the
reason why the First Elder was chosen to lead the Sensorites. I'd
love to see Colin Powell try that one next time someone questions George
Bush Jr. "The President was elected because of his great brain..."
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Ian may be glad the Doctor
is on his side because of his chalk skills but I wouldn't want Ian
protecting me if he's prepared to wander into danger with nothing but a
rolled up map to defend himself.
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The Doctor tells Ian
"Sometimes I know what you're thinking!" I bet most of the time it's
"Hurry up you old gimmer, some of us have got lines too you know."
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Why is the whole lower
half of England called "Central City"? Shouldn't Central City be, you
know, in the centre?
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And can any of us really
believe there will still be an "England" in eight hundred years time?
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How pedantic is Susan?
"They've taken the lock" gasps the Doctor. "Not so much the lock as the
entire opening mechanism" replies his irritating "granddaughter". Since
the little handle thing was left on the door, all that was taken was the
lock. Brat.
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And where is she when the
Doctor says, of his treatment of the sick Ian, "I've done all I can for
him, given him salt and water..." She should've popped up and said "Not
so much all you could do for him, you've actually just given him
salt and water."
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