Four men who make you feel better about yourself

The first story below is something I found on the net while looking for something of a pervo-comic nature with which to amuse and entertain. They may well be apocryphal but they are hard to dismiss. People are strange, chaps doubly so. The second was on Reuters and I had just opened it when I went into a meeting so anyone walking past my desk could see it in all its testicular g(l)ory.

Lonely bachelor David Pithers was convicted yesterday of making love to a lamp post.

Pithers, 57, was so desperate for sex he pulled his trousers and pants down by his ankles, wrapped his arms around the 30ft pole and rubbed himself up and down.

But magistrates heard his perversion was spotted by a man out with his nine-year-old daughter. The embarrassed dad moved away and told the confused girl that Pithers was just having a wee.

He then reported Pithers to police and the weirdo was arrested at his home in the village of Pontyberem, near Llanelli, South Wales - a short stroll from where the indecent act took place.

Pithers admitted causing the pair harassment and distress. Prosecutor Vaughan Pritchard-Jones told the court: "They saw Mr Pithers with his arms around the lamp-post.

"He had his trousers and underpants around his ankles and was moving about. The father moved away so that his young daughter could not see what was happening.

"He told his daughter the man was urinating - but he clearly wasn't."

The court in Llanelli heard how Pithers lives with his identical twin brother. He is now being helped with his personal problems by his family.

He was given a 12-month conditional discharge and ordered to pay £25 costs.

But antics like his are not the first to have hit the headlines.

Two years ago, The Sun told how pervert Stephen Bartlett got his kicks by lying under women's cars so that they would run him over.

He was hooked on being dominated by women and said it was the "ultimate."

The 30-year-old bachelor was ordered to pay compensation to one of his victims after an incident in Stafford.

In 1993, perverted electrician Karl Watkins was jailed for 18 months for repeatedly having sex with pavements.

Watkins, from Redditch, Worcs, was caught face-down on the flags with his pants around his ankles simulating sex. He was also said to have had a go at an underpass.

A British man who accidentally shot himself in the testicles after drinking 15 pints of beer was jailed for five years on Tuesday for possessing an illegal firearm, a court spokesman said.

David Walker, 28, was arguing with a friend at a pub in South Yorkshire, northern England, when he went home to get his sawed-off shotgun, which he jammed into his trousers.

But as he walked back to the pub, the gun went off, blasting pellets into his testicles. Doctors later removed what remained of his testicles during emergency surgery.

There is something richly comic about a pervert being sentenced to "12-month conditional discharge".