Great expectations
I’ve always liked the line “There are two kinds of people
in the world – those who make gross generalisations and those who don’t”.
I’m also fond of a rewording of it – “There are two kinds of people in the
world – those who compartmentalise and those who don’t”. For the techno
minded there is “There are 10 kinds of people in the world – those who
understand binary and those who don’t”. Equally (and I reach my point
within the first paragraph but only just) there are those who wait months
or even years for something and watch/listen/read it almost as soon as
they get back from the shops and those who don’t.
Some case studies. 1997 - Eddie Izzard releases “Dress to Kill” on VHS and
nothing further is released until November 2002 when the oddly delayed
“Circle” is out. I bought the DVD on the day of release – five years of
waiting for another live show from the funniest man in the world. To say I
was excited is an understatement. 80 minutes of new Eddie AND a commentary
– surely a first for stand up comedy. One year on and I’m ridiculously
excited about Eddie’s next DVD – “Sexie” – which is out in two weeks. Only
I haven’t watched Circle yet. Oh I’ve dabbled – a few minutes here and
there. An almost guilty snatching of a few moments of comic bliss. But
that’s all. It’s as if I don’t want to watch it because once I’ve watched
it, I’ve seen it and new Izzard no longer exists. An absurd position as I
know from five tapes worth of experience that Eddie Izzard shows get
better the more you watch them. His humour isn’t the instant gratification
of a joke master, his is a more surreal and slow burning comedy. Comedy
which matures over time is a wonderful thing. Only I’ve not given it a
chance to mature because I’ve not watched it.
Second case study is Shoot From the Hip by Sophie Ellis Bextor. I’ve been
waiting almost two years for a new SEB album. An unashamed fan of her
brand of vacant pop, I have been hanging on and hanging on ever since
learning of the CD on the official SEB message board (the official one,
note, none of your bootleg tat). I got it on Sunday morning and have
copied it to my trusty Mac and my beloved iPod. And I’ve not listened to
it. It’s just sitting there in all its digital glory. Twelve poptastic
tracks (plus the single which I’ve heard muchly and like) awaiting my
attention. Music is something that always requires a lot of attention
before I like it. The only CD I have ever liked on first listen is
“Mechanical Animals” by Marilyn Manson. Most require days of half
listening to it before it becomes familiar enough to enjoy. But again the
fear of losing the future joy of listening to it motivates me not to
listen to it now.
Which brings me to an interesting point. Deep within my subconscious I
believe I have a desire to feather my future next with pleasures. To have
a stockpile of treats with which to ease the future that my headfuck tells
me I don’t want anyway. However dark and boring things may become, I tell
myself, I can always watch NEW Eddie Izzard or listen to NEW Sophie Ellis
Bextor. But as we know this is a fruitless (or 'bootless' – for both are
permissible as Bertie Wooster never tired of telling us) belief given my
need to become familiar with the material before it can be truly enjoyed.
I spent last night on the internet (surprise surprise) and found out that
two of my faves have new albums out this month. Kid Rock’s self titled
“Kid Rock” and Korn’s “Look in the Mirror” will be between £17 and £20
that I will be spending before the year is out but am I doing so because I
want the albums or am I doing it because I want to own the albums?
Another piece of cod psychology coming up…
Owning something is more important to me than enjoying it. This is the
best explanation I’ve come up with for never having bothered with the BBCi
Dr Who webcasts. Death Comes to Time, Real Time, Shada and the forthcoming
Secret of Shalka have never registered much on my radar. DCtT did later
when I bought the CD but the others haven’t. Equally, I’ve not been to the
cinema since July 2000 (Barry Blaustein’s “Beyond the Mat” for those
interested) because I don’t find comfort in watching a film I will not
own. I guess it even extends to downloading MP3s from the internet. I’ve
done it in the past and nine times out of eleven I don’t listen to the
downloaded files. The unsatisfying freeness of them squashes any
motivation I might have to enjoy them. It’s not guilt for the “ripped off”
multimillionaire pop stars btw, it’s purely a motivation issue.
So what have we learned during this ego centric self analysis? Basically I
can’t enjoy something unless I own it and even when I own it I don’t enjoy
it because I want to delay that enjoyment until an unspecified point in
the future that I am psychologically unwilling to admit I will even have.
Blimey – all that from a Sophie Ellis Bextor CD and a DVD of a bloke in
makeup. I need help.
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