Disc Three - Digital Versatile Hopes

DVDs are still relatively recent a development. It’s only five or so years since they were a small section, huddling together for warmth, at the back of HMV. A player was a luxury and change out of four or five hundred pounds would’ve seemed like a distant dream. So it isn’t surprising that there are lots of things that haven’t yet been released. I flatter myself that my ear is, if not actually on the ground for fear of germs and chewing gum, then certainly close to the ground. I have a reasonable grasp of what is in the pipeline. Not only does this influence what I sell online and what I earmark the proceeds for but also it delights and frustrates me in more or less equal measures. There are certain things I would like to see released. This particular essay focuses on the things that could be realistically released tomorrow had the right people the right idea. Things that have equivalent shows already in release (often already in the sales) and so wouldn’t look as out of place or out in space as things mentioned elsewhere in this boxed set of missives. As ever the list isn’t in any kind of order. Just as and when things come to me. I know I make this writing lark look like a science but it does, believe it or not, generally just happen in a heap.

A Bit of Fry and Laurie

One paltry edited and occasionally disjointed video cassette release is all that this masterpiece has to show for its existence. It played a couple of years ago on Paramount so it can’t be that either a Fry or a Laurie are barring its release as they pursue altogether less studio bound careers. I’ve written elsewhere about this series and how good it is so I won’t repeat myself here. Shows like the Young Ones – which was revolutionary at the time and is iconic today but has not aged well – and French and Saunders – which was never funny despite what the hype machine tells you – are out on DVD. Modern "hits" (by which they mean two million viewers on BBC2 and then endless loops on BBC3 and/or UKGold) are shunted onto disc before they’re cold. But no one – not the BBC and not an enterprising company like, for example, Network – has yet released even one series of (fingers) A Bit of Fry and Laurie (end fingers). Commentaries would be nice but one wouldn’t be too upset if Ste and Hu were too busy being international to come and record them. Deleted scenes may exist – the books are full of them – but they too would be the icing on a very rich cake. Sketch shows that stand the test of time are rare. This is one of them, it stars two eminently famous people and I don’t believe it contains anything which would present a rights problem. Its absence is going from conspicuous to inexplicuous. "Inexplicable", technically, but inexplicuous fitted the sentence better and what is the use of a good language if you can’t change it?

La Femme Nikita

Watching the first episode of "Alias" this afternoon I was reminded about how good La Femme Nikita was. It was on late on a Friday night on the fifth channel and always had the stigma of being an American TV remake of a French film which was far better, obviously, because it was French and it was the original. I haven't yet seen Nikita but I do know that LFN was a damn good series – at least for the two seasons I watched it – and combined the high octane excitement of a Buffy or Alias with the incarcerated hopelessness of The Prisoner and the high tech geek-appeal of James Bond. Seeing as shows like Alias – dropped by Sky One for low ratings and now on Bravo – has been a hit on DVD why not La Femme Nikita? I understand it had some problems towards the end and the final season was a short wrap up instead of a full six month job but while it was fresh it was awesome.

Anna Lee

Now here’s a series of TV movies which vanished without trace. Imogen Stubbs starred as Lisa Cody’s private detective heroine in what I remember as fairly liberal adaptations of the novels. A series of books which is possibly unique as I’ve actually read the whole set. There was a pilot – Headcase – and then a run of (I think) five TV movies. Things changed between the pilot and the series – Stubbs’ was made a lot less glam and sexy (sadly) – but they were still very good productions. They’ve never surfaced on ITV's channels or "classic" TV stations, never been released on video and no one seems to remember them. It was ten years ago – I remember being in upper sixth at the time and Imogen Stubbs was just about the only person who could be thought of in the same quivering breath as my darling Clare – and it’s about time it was unearthed. Alas it seems to be too obscure to be a mainstream release and not quite obscure enough to be a cult release. Or rather it’s too new to be a "classic" and too old to be "modern". Maybe one day Imogen will have a huge film or TV hit and companies will be falling over each other to cash in. That’s about the only hope we have of ever seeing Anna Lee on DVD.

Virtual Murder

Now here’s a title that comes up every time anyone starts a thread like this on a message board. Fondly remembered, never repeated and now burdened with the reputation of being an early 90s version of The Avengers. There have been some critical voices – those fortunate enough to have copies of the six produced episodes – but for the rest of us it remains an enigma. I remember two things about it – neither of which I’m entirely sure was in it. One was Jon Pertwee as some kind of gypsy or possibly an old sea dog. The other was Hywel Bennett doing something sleazy. But the fact that I remember the series without prompting (and fancy Kim Thompson too) make it a good candidate for my wish list.

Chalk / Joking Apart

Steven Moffatt is the single best comedy writer we have right now. His current energies are being directed at Coupling and the revival of some creaking old series on BBC1 from the olden days. We are also slowly but surely seeing his first (some say best) work coming out in the form of Press Gang. But in between the adventures of Jules’n’Dexter and the Chronicles of Jeff were two series which have the power to make me summon fresh under clothings. Joking Apart is fondly remembered by the eight people who remember it. Shown once and then forgotten about by the suits who run television. Not even the success of Robert "Cold Feet" Bathurst who played the lead could inspire someone to repeat or release this classic. It had all the Moffatt trademarks – wit, sex, time manipulation and moments of surreal bliss. Bathurst once spent an episode talking to a human representation of his penis. Moffatt then went on to write Chalk – a significant promotion career wise as this was prime time BBC1. Sadly it seems you cannot do a school sit com without people protesting about it. Please Sir! got away with it as it was clear that the "pupils" were older than the teacher and the series only existed to give Derek Guyler a job. I half remember a Roy Kinear sit com which was actually pulled off air because it dared to criticise teachers. Chalk was a masterpiece of farce. Dispensing with the clever time shifts and instead giving a Fawlty-esque catalogue of misunderstandings and compromising situations it was achingly funny. There was a very half hearted attempt to put it out on video but until these two shows join Coupling and Press Gang on my shelves there will be no justice.

There may be more that I think of but this is just a selection of the stuff that is sitting in peoples cupboards and not in mine. Pull your fingers out, for sod’s sake, and let me spend cash on them. Grrr.