Disc One - Digital Versatile Introduction

Andrew’s recent piece about DVDs got me thinking about, well, DVDs. Not that I need a reason to think about DVDs – it’s something that is on my mind quite a lot. It worries me that the Beeb are putting eight episodes of Yes Prime Minister on a single disc. Is that too much? Will it suffer from over compression? Or will it be fine? This tends to lead on to general thoughts about how Yes (Prime) Minister might have been treated with more respect by the BBC archivers and, instead of being dropped on the floor after use like a teenager’s clothes, it might have been kept in a nice tin or something. It was Mrs Thatcher’s favourite programme after all. It’s not every day that the Prime Minister of Great Britain goes on record as saying how much she likes a situation comedy. Apart from Harold Wilson raving about Don’t Wait Up and Tony Blair’s fondness for The Brittas Empire it literally never happens. John Major might have said something but no one really listened to him. So, to return to the subject in hand, it might be that the master tapes of Yes PM are in good enough shape that eight episodes could fit on a single duel layered disc but I’m still concerned.

It’s not just how much is being crammed onto a single shiny disc that obsesses me. I not only read a website which seems to devote a lot of time and effort to seeking out DVD bargains but I’ve even been known to post in their forum. I’ve even been thanked in a list of best online deals. The same site has salivational lists of forthcoming titles, things being worked on, rumours about things being worked on and rumours of what might be on the things being worked on. I am, in short, obsessed with the DVD. I don’t yet have a definitive opinion about whether "disc" should be spelled "disc" or "disk" but that’ll come with time and thought. The beauty of the acronym is that you don’t need to concern yourself with such matters until it actually comes up in conversation with people you want to impress. I’m leaning towards the C but that might just be my mind wandering.

So what is the point of this article? Well, it is part of a series that I thought about while having a walk one lunchtime when it looked as if I was going to nod off in the coffee area if I didn’t get some fresh air. I am quite a twitchy dozer so it seemed like a good idea to get away from people in case they thought I was having some kind of spasm. The beauty of wander and ponder rhyming is that they are they fit together so well in other ways. So a poem about them wouldn’t seem at all forced. I was only walking around the car park, taking the chance to squint at a few number plates (once a CNPSer, always a CNPSer) but without my glasses I stood no chance of finding an elusive 35. What if, I thought to myself, I talked about stuff I’d like to see on DVD. Ah, but would such a list have any point to it? I remember a thread on a message board which asked who you would like to hear on various Dr Who DVD commentaries. A good idea in principle but it soon became nothing more than an exercise in listing people who appeared in the story and hadn’t got previous death commitments. So then I hit upon the idea to write not just one column about the shiny discs but several columns. Like a torturer who enjoys their job I would come back for more despite the screams and offers of sexual favours in return for stopping.

Think of it as a boxed set of my various thoughts on the subj of the round and shiny. Maybe even a psychological insight for those with a mental bent. Unless I do some pruning and, in the word of Sir Humphrey, recast a few sentences, one of them becomes rather a bitter tirade against modern television. Not so much what they make as what they do. Elsewhere I’ll dredge up some long forgotten titles, come up with some fantastically impressive ideas (*promises subject to change) and generally waffle on like the tragic friendless geek that I am. Because in a warped and convoluted sort of way it does matter. Jon Pertwee, philosopher and wit, once (many times?) offered the following advice.

"Do the best job you can, take the money at the end of the week and buy yourself something nice".

When that "something nice" is round and contains top quality digital entertainment then it does matter what is available, isn’t available, could be better, couldn’t be better and why one bothers buying it anyway when there are other alternatives.

Though why my suggestions should interest you is a mystery. Indeed, a mystery almost as great as how what was going to be the introduction to the first piece seems to have grown into a thousand words all of its own. So not only am I egotistical enough to think that my opinions would be worth reading but now I am under the impression that my opinions about my own opinions are worth your time. Self esteem is a funny thing – just when you think you’ve got none at all, a whole great big blob of it pops out. Like a messy sneeze when you haven’t got a hanky or a Venezuelan business supplement to hand. Always end on a Perrin joke. My regular reader will appreciate it even if no one else does. And since I started with mention of him, it seems a good idea to end on him as well.