Children (and message board users) in Need

Friday night saw a Doctor Who segment included in the annual Wogan in Need telethon. Running no more than seven minutes (the exact timing is open to debate as there was a recap from a previous story) the story was still destined to be talked about at an unnamed Doctor Who message board. In keeping with previous columns of this type all names have been expunged and all quotes are as originally written.

The first question which stood out from the crowd was this weird enquiry.

One thing that I didn't quite get, why did Rose think The Doctor might have been "Sliveen"?

Any ideas?

The answer was quickly given.

Because the Slitheen were aliens that disguised themselves as humans? Because it was a little reference to assure the kids that this was still the same Doctor Who?

I'm not seeing a huge mystery here...

That was about the clearest answer you were going to get without including the phrase "girl with a council estate accent which shuns proper diction". But the person asking the original question, unwilling to admit he might’ve overlooked something rather obvious, simply replied,

That's a possibility I suppose.

Another possibility under discussion was the reason why Billie Piper’s hair changed between the shooting of the regeneration (earlier this year) and this mini-episode (recorded in November).

did anyone else notice Rose regenerating in the episode not be bitchy, cos that isnt me, but... one minute her hair is in dire need of a dye job, the next its a whole new colour & a whole new style. I know she was a timelord

The reply, using a language which might one day regenerate into English, went as follows.

She's not a time lord hunni, And ther are about 10 threads on this already!!

It was filemd 6 months apart, I dont think i could ever have looked that alike, Fair enough, it did look straightened,

Hunni? HUNNI? Is that meant as a term of endearment or is it the name of a race in the next Star Wars film?

suppose this isnt the smoking gun im looking for

Said the originally thread starter. But his/her journey for truth will go on.

So far we’ve only seen the reactions of people who like pretending to be extravagantly camp homosexuals or who actually are extravagantly camp homosexuals. What of normal people? What of manly men with blokey friends?

I'm so terribly torn, between drinking with some workmates or racing home to sit through the dire CIN to tape three minutes of DW.

I've set the tape up for eight fifty onwards, since whilst my heart lies with the Doctor, I know i'd feel dirty afterwards, for skipping out on my mates.

That’s why you should get yourself a DVD recorder with built in hard drive – then you can record the whole night and delete all those musical performances by people who studied for years at good universities so they could be on telly without having to embarrass themselves in public.

This next question gets right to the heart of the matter.

So, when was Tennant's debut - 18 June, 18 November or 25 December? Discuss.

It’s an interesting question and well worth discussing. As long as you’re prepared, in the interests of debate, to completely ignore the meaning of the word "debut".

The trivia began to flow when this next question was asked.

Quiz time. Whats missing from this regeneration thats been included in every other UNLESS its rectified in the Christmas Invasion.

I don’t think I could’ve come up with a better answer than this one.

Two apostrophes?

I forget what the actual answer was. Probably something to do with looking in a mirror and gurning.

I like this next question and part of me wishes it were true.

In the 5 minutes we've known him, the new Doctor has said "That's weird" twice. Is this the new "fantastic"?

Next we find a paragraph which I would assume was written before the special aired. I hope it was a joke. But I’ve spent enough time at this unnamed website to know better than to assume ANYTHING posted there is a joke.

I think it would be a major mistake for RTD to introduce this new special with any sort of McGann flashback, but perhaps by the second minute (or maybe at the end of second minute to provide a cliffhanger segue into the third) the new Doctor will be well enough established to be able to have some sort of multi-Doctor sequence showing how McGann transformed into Eccleston.

There are perhaps only two things which worry modern fans more than the Paul McGann question. They are, firstly, possible regional variations on BBC1.

Viewers of CIN on The 18 Novemember - may I suggest watching the BBC 1 London feed on SKY as Regional versions of BBC 1 will interrupt the scedule or show things later than say BBC 1 Scotland ( which always happens - to accomadate the cast of River City dressesd as Care Bears etc or Jackie Bird singing with The first Minister Jack McConnel etc) - Sorry If you don't have Sky - perhaps a mate will let you come round & fiddle with his remote

That last sentence "perhaps a mate will let you come round & fiddle with his remote" is just needlessly erotic.

The second worry is ratings.

Anyone reckon we'll get a sharp spike in ratings after nine, for the Doctor Who special? A steady line? God forbid a dip, obviously. These figures are broken down in fifteen minute segments aren't they?

You and I know it is a six minute insert into a charitable telethon but apparently some people don’t understand that. Just as some people don’t understand the real meaning of Christmas.

It's going to be murder waiting for the 'Christmas Invasion' viewing figures, isn't it? Isn't it usually about a week before we'll know the festive ratings?

This next post is rather typical of the modern fan/poster. You thought debating whether the Second Doctor in The Two Doctors was from a time before or after The War Games was a bit sad. You ain’t seen nothing yet. Hide your pets if you’re of a sensitive disposition.

Squeegeneration!

*reassembles self, gives up underwear as dead loss*

Okeydokey, are we going to have a show of hands - keep your moles covered for the time being, wontcha? - I can see that the majority of posters received the mini ep well, liked what they saw, and all...

...what I'm wondering is whether the squeegeneration is universal? (Obviously this question's aimed at those of you happily jumping the tv earlier this year.) Right up until last night I was unsure, I really was, and had to reserve judgement until I saw him in motion - but for me DT hit the spot. Yes, that spot, heh.

Trepidation's probably the right word for how I felt at the start of it, you know, having got so attached to CE's Doctor.. but first the sight of DT *cough* exploring his body.. the way he said 'I have got.. a mole.. I can feel it' - uh, that was kind of interesting.. followed by the speech where he reassures Rose, and takes her hand.. well, that was me hooked. And bouncing.

So, yeah, I hope everyone that felt as strongly about Eccleston's charms are as captivated by DT as I've been. Because the alternative, well, it kind of sucks. Two squeeworthy Doctors in a row... life is very good. At this point I'm not sure if my Chrisgush will be as transferable as the Ninegush, if you get my drift... but we'll see (does that make sense? ah well).

As for Rose's squeegeneration - what do you reckon? She *did* smile... he *is* the same Doctor, deep down....

Oh, the speculation! Oh, the humanity! Oh, my pants!

*explodes in a ball of squee*

Bloody hell. I’m so sorry. Let’s get away from that and to some more straightforward reviews of the piece (using a cunning colour scheme to differentiate between posts).

That was incredible. Better than the whole of the first season combined.

No I'm not exaggerating.

Well maybe a bit.

Ha! Fab! Like that bit in the middle of Timelash only mesmerising.

The titles are only just starting in Scotland as I type

It was petite, but clever.

OMGOMGOMG!

*tries to form a coherent thought*

*fails*

*squees and dies instead*

I'm seeing Tom... I'm seeing Troughton... I'm seeing buckets of new.

Outstanding!!! This is going to be the best Christmas since 0 AD!

Colin Baker had two years. Hartnell and McCoy had three years. Pertwee had five. Tennant has had three and a half minutes, and already he's better than any of them.

While it stank slightly of RTD cheese, it was all the same to see David Tennant in action

F*ck! I just wet myself!!!

Rose's reaction was excellent. n7[[////////itcvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv hh/ / That's my hamster typing and he loved it, too.

As much as I enjoyed the scene, I can't help but feel that there is something crass about the debut of a new Doctor in the middle of an uninspiring Children in Need fundraiser with pledges rolling across the bottom of the screen. This will only be redeemed for me if it's included on a DVD, or inserted as a pre-credits sequence during the actual broadcast of 'The Christmas Invasion'.

Several minutes of concentrated awesome

I think we need to reappraise the five rating options for only 3 and a half minutes, but it was very entertaining. I gave it a 4, I enjoyed it, but really I felt it had to be longer to get a five.

I'm glad I was in an empty room when I watched that, cause I ran round the room like a crazed five year old on crack

I watched it thinking it was either a fun way of doing like Billie Piper gets a custard pie in the face by Pudsey or a musical chairs featuring David Tennant and Cybermen.

Just remember that I do these things so you don't have to. Good evening.