Why I Can’t Be A Church Trustee Any More

This piece is primarily intended for those people who read my “Sex and Sexuality’ columns, in which I analysed my inclinations and behaviour far beyond what’s normally considered tasteful. In some ways, it’s a natural outworking of those conclusions, based on my experiences over the last couple of weeks, and an attempt to resolve some of the tensions between those conclusions and the way I’ve been living in the meantime.

The weekend before last, I went away with some of the other men in my church to a men’s conference. Over the course of the weekend, I began to understand how the Biblical teaching promoted by most Christian churches conflicts at a basic level with my nature and my principles, so much so that I eventually reached the conclusion that I can no longer hold a position of responsibility in a church which promotes the teachings of the Bible as they are. It’s just a question of finding a good way to resign.

In the first seminar on the Friday evening, the speaker described how he’d attended a lecture on “Is Language Sexist?” and afterwards found himself in the company of a lecturer on women’s studies who was “a declared lesbian”. He went on to describe how he’d ventured the opinion that in his experience, lesbianism was often attributable to a string of bad relationships with men- at which said lecturer moved to the next table. I can’t explain how annoyed I was- somebody very precious to me happens to incline that way, and the thought “How dare he make assumptions about my sister like that?” flashed through my mind.

It wasn’t the last time. Over the course of the weekend, I was treated to such a spectacular display of ignorance and paranoia that my only regret was in having parted with money for it. In one particular talk, what I’d previously considered a nice old gentleman began to spit with fury as he described the repeal of the Witchcraft Act as the thin end of the wedge in terms of the moral decline in this country, compounded by the legalisation of homosexuality. No mention of the fact that the previous legislation on homosexuality was a blackmailer’s licence to print money, and I’m sure that nobody in that room had ever met a genuine practitioner of Wicca. (They think...) If there’s one thing about Christianity which really, really drives me up the wall, it’s the complete absence of any recognition of Paganism or Wicca as a religion or even a belief system- to the Bible-believing Christian, it’s a perversion of religion, a charade with no spiritual value or a wilful and malicious attempt to bring more of the Devil into the world. I’ve never, ever heard any argument that Wicca is worthy of the same respect as Islam or Judaism, and yet at different times and for different reasons, Christians have seen fit to persecute all three faiths. The injustice of somebody being able to voice these sentiments about somebody else’s faith without challenge or correction when practically any and every other belief system short of fascism has the protection of public opinion still rankles.

And then there was the car journey home. Our speaker had been similarly unequivocal in his opinions on child-rearing; spare the rod and spoil the child. And so I found myself in the car heading home, with three men all educated to university level and fathers themselves, all in agreement on the necessity of beating one’s children. I’m not a father, may never be, but I hope I never, ever, have to use physical force to control anybody, no matter what their age. I kept quiet all the way home, knowing deep down that if I was going to respect myself, I had to choose one path or the other, and that the Christian path had so far brought me friends, comfort, a social life and an unbelievable emotional barrenness. So it’s just a question of finding the right time and the right way to resign. At the moment I’m not thinking of leaving the church completely; I don’t for a second believe that everybody in every church even half believes all Christian doctrine. The Pope is probably the only person who believes all the Catholic church’s teaching, and that’s because he’s out of a job if he doesn’t. But at the moment, by implication if not explicitly, by being the trustee of a Church which professes the ultimate authority of the Bible, I’m putting my name to ignorance and cruelty and I just can’t do that any more. I’m re-reading some of my Wicca books in the hope of convincing myself that there’s at least some kind of alternative, but the fact of the matter is that I just can’t hold a position of responsibility in the church and still keep hold of my most instinctive feelings and principles.

10th February 2004