Lionheart- A rough guide to England.

I’m not sure when it was really, genuinely fashionable to be English. Maybe it was during Euro ’96, I don’t know. One things for sure, us English have been led to feel slightly guilty about our birthplace. Ok, so we're generally a bit crap on the world stage, except when giving the U.S a lift (that's lift as in 'help', not 'elevator'. But we'll come to the language differences later....)

There’s an idea about national identity and pride that has developed in these so called ‘politically correct’ times, and the English have suffered the most. Our neighbours think we’re wankers and are quite happy to dredge up a legacy of invasion and war that doesn’t go in our favour. Mind you, we got invaded by the French a long time before that. I had a big fascination with Norman England when I was at Primary school, and recall happily copying the Bayeux Tapestry in my work book. It’s always fascinated me that- a pretty morbid topic for a tapestry. Most tapestries have flowers and animals on don’t they. This one has wall to wall blood and guts (and swords. And let’s not forget the comet.) It was the 1060s version of a Hollywood epic.

Anyway, to get to the point (which I occasionally do), it didn’t actually start there. Our American friends may be humbled to know there wasn’t such a thing as an American in 1066, although the French have always been there. Or here. It gets rather confusing to say who is actually who in this part of the world. All that raping and pillaging. Invasion was a common pastime for Britain’s neighbours, and England in particular.

To mention America again, it didn’t exist- and I’m mentioning you guys because I’m writing this with you in mind. I think Lissa Minor inspired this after I was praising Scotland, and she said she'd never been to these islands- but wanted to.

Anyway- America! Home of the brave. The WIld West. The land existed and had it’s natives (who, by some minor miracle, are still around today). But America- the USA- was yet to be. With 1066 and all that, we’re already talking 700 years before the event as well, so you can see what breadth of history we’re trying to deal with here....but! It'll be fun.

We have a bit of a monopoly on weird shit as well, which (me being me) will prove enough excuse to spook you all with teles of the terrible.

The British Isles have been refered to as the heart centre of Planet Earth- the portal to Fairie and the home of Camelot. Myth, legend and superstition, surely? We’ll come back to all that- but keep in mind- the magic still lingers. The megaliths of Stonehenge still stand there, the oaks of Sherwood still creak in the wind and the Isle of Avalon still stands.... kind of.

Plus what's a foreign visitor to do in such a strange land- a ecleptic mix of old and new. of tradition and modernity? Why do the British get excited when someone offers to make a hot drink? Why does anyone eat Marmite?? Is Richard Branson an inspiration or an annoying prick? Why do we have such a shit train network, when we practically invented the things? What's it like living in a country that used to own half the globe and now doesn't? All these questions, eh? It's enough to drive someone to visit Wales. And what's wrong with Wales anyway?? I like Castles....you're never short of a castle. More questions! Do Brits have to talk about the weather or is it something we genuinely enjoy? (Bare in mind that it pisses it down most of the time). Also... Does anyone say "10 Bob note" and "errand" anymore? All that and fantastic, beautiful sights you'll never see the like of anywhere else! It might rain a lot, but this is the green and pleasant land.

Sooooo....What does all that mean to someone living at the beginning of the 21st century? What does it mean to me? In a modern England? In a modern British Isles? What can it mean to a world of largely urban life, more concrete than soil, more plastic than leaf.

I’m here to say that it matters a great deal. It matters more than I could say.

It’s about the past and how it shapes the present, and how we might make a better future. It’s about legend and myth and a rich history. It’s about some of the finest artists and writers in the world. It’s about deep forests that remember what should not have been forgotten and about concrete towerblocks that noone can remember being a good idea. It's about the best pop music in the world and some of th ebest television ever made (and some good films too). It's about a funny sense of duty and quiet pride in everything we do, even when we're upstaged by flashy neighbours. It's about cul-de-sacs and all the things that happen in them. It's about fish and chip suppers and getting that last snog at the bus stop before you get the bus home (which was late anyway).

It's about liking being British...no, dammit....liking being English in 2004 and I'm here to tell you all about it.

Oh England My Lionheart.