5…4…3…2…1…BANG!
THUNDERBIRDS ARE GO!
No, this isn’t going to be an article discussing yet another film created
to cash-in on a successful franchise. That was just a phrase used to give
all the nostalgics out there a giddy thrill. Or something. Today, I’m
going to rant on about the TV series that made Gerry Anderson and his
puppets a household name. ‘Cos “Stingray” and “Supercar” were crap.
Thunderbirds used to be my favourite TV show when I was about 6. I
remember my mum and dad spent ages looking for the Tracy Island play-set
for my Christmas present. Mum was most disappointed when we found out that
the Thunderbird 2 toy came without the lid to the pod.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Well, not really, as I’m not going to
reference this again.
As I was saying, Thunderbirds was a favourite program of mine, ages ago.
But, as must always be the case, we let go of childish things and let them
slip away. Or become Doctor Who fans, as was my case. Somehow, Tom Baker
sleeping on a desk and faffing about on a stage during “Robot” seemed more
interesting than this vintage slice of 1960’s action. However, about a
year ago, my curiosity was piqued by some BBC repeats of Thunderbirds. I
sat down and watched a couple and discovered to my immense delight that I
enjoyed it more now as an over-critical teenager than when I had been a
child. I ended up picking up a few of the DVD’s when I saw some in a
Woolworths sale, going for £10 for two. And now I own all 32 episodes on
pristine DVD, and, whilst not particularly proud I own them, I’m glad I
have them all the same!
However, what is it about this show which endeared itself to me? To be
honest, as was my affection with “The Flintstones”, I haven’t a clue. And
looking at it now, I don’t know what it is about the series – it’s just so
bloody enjoyable! Its inherent silliness is amusing but it plays
everything deadly straight. Lives can be lost each episode, and only one
family can save the day!
For those of you who have never seen this show (if you haven’t, then I
pity you, I really do), it’s about a previously randy millionaire who has
5 kids all of around the 24 mark, all of whom live on an island in a
luxury villa. However, this seemingly antisocial way of life is just a
front, for deep beneath the villa are a network of tunnels and rooms,
which contain wondrous machines of all shapes and sizes, some of which are
good enough to be named the Thunderbirds! The Tracy family are in actual
fact International Rescue, who… rescue people. Whether the person is stuck
in a giant metal crab in a burning pit, or on a bridge with no escape,
International Rescue will save everyone!
They also look remarkably stupid when they do so, wearing the typical garb
of an ice-cream man drenched in sky-blue paint. They also have nice little
coloured sashes. John Tracy has a pink one. This provokes many snorts of
derision.
Here is the main role call of characters:
Scott Tracy pilots Thunderbird 1, and is, quite frankly, a bastard. He
spends his whole time sitting around at a mobile desk ordering everyone
else about, and does precious little to contribute to rescues besides take
all the credit at the end. Thunderbird 1 is always the first Thunderbird
on the scene, but is also the most useless in International Rescue’s
arsenal. During the course of the series, the only ability it has that is
used on more than one occasion (another of Thunderbird’s quirks is that
machines will often gain special abilities in one episode to fit the plot,
which will never be referred to again) is a machine-gun, which is used
whenever Scott wishes to lethally despatch the villain of the episode. Not
standard rescue equipment, I’ll be bound, and so Thunderbird 1 is most of
the time left sitting around, it’s main purpose being a personal transport
for Scott… who doesn’t do anything anyway! So for that reason alone,
Thunderbird 1 should be scrapped.
Virgil is the classy bloke in the family, and generally does all the work.
Because of this, he is given the best-looking Thunderbird. Looking like a
strange beetle thing, Thunderbird 2 flies about being class. The middle
section is detachable, and houses several smaller vehicles, most of which
only appear for one episode before disappearing from the series. Virgil is
also an artist and keen pianist, and is generally the sort of bloke you
could meet down the pub and automatically start a good conversation with.
Alan is a snot. He spends most of his time being childish and saying
stupid things. He also pilots Thunderbird 3, a rocket used for space
rescues. All three of them. We see more scenes of it taking people up to
the space station then it actually helping to rescue anyone.
Gordon Tracy is a happy chappy, who usually walks about being chirpy. He
doesn’t do a heck of a lot, but he is the only aquanaut of the team, and
so he gets a yellow submarine. Since Thunderbird 4 is one of many pod
vehicles carried by Thunderbird 2, I dispute it’s right to actually be a
Thunderbird – it’s the only one of the five which needs the help of
another to actually be of any use. This is never more plainly seen than in
the episode where two men are trapped in a cave underneath the
recently-demolished Empire State Building (don’t ask) with the water level
rising quickly. Thunderbird 4 is the only thing that can save them, but,
due to Thunderbird 2 having recently been blown up, it would never be able
to get to the scene in time, it being only “a scout craft”. It is
therefore carried to the disaster by the local navy, which just makes
Gordon look a prat.
John is the character who you only see for a total of 40 seconds per
episode. He’s in charge of Thunderbird 5, a huge immobile space station
orbiting Earth (another machine which can have it’s “Thunderbird” billing
questioned). John contacts Tracy Island to tell everyone about the latest
peril, and then sits back and drums his fingers on the sideboard. He only
goes on one rescue in the series, and even then doesn’t do anything, his
purpose for being there never being explained. Poor John. He also has
stupid windows, which say INTERNATIONAL RESCUE plastered on them… on the
inside. These are presumably there so that he can remember what
organisation he belongs to.
Other characters of the International Rescue organisation include Brains,
the egg-head with the gigantic spectacles who invented everything, Lady
Penelope, the “London agent”, sent to anywhere in the world where there’s
trouble when using an agent already in the area would suffice, and Parker,
Penelope’s chauffeur, who stands about looking glum.
This bloke is the Hood, a bald foreigner with large eyebrows, thereby
making him utterly evil in every way. Possessing the ability to hypnotise
characters with his large yellow eyes, and being able to take over his
half-brother Kyrano, a servant of International Rescue, from a distance,
the Hood is a terrifying foe.
Or, at least, he was. Later on he was regarded, as so many foes in TV
shows over the years have been made into, as comic relief. Here he is
reading an Australian newspaper before going off to Down Under to throw
grenades at children, thereby making him a saint.
The above chap appeared in only one episode and did little of consequence,
so I’ll just leave his not particularly vital role in the series to your
imaginations. I just wanted to use this picture, as I think it’s bloody
hilarious.
Plots in the series generally fell into three categories:
a) Some people inadvertently get placed into a situation of dire peril.
Such examples include Sun Probe, where some astronauts are stuck in a
spaceship heading for the Sun, and Lord Parker’s ‘Oliday, where some
people at a holiday resort are going to be burnt alive in their hotel –
though instead of evacuating everyone, as would normally be the correct
procedure, International Rescue’s agents merely decided to start a game of
bingo, thereby distracting everyone from the danger at hand. I kid you
not.
b) Some people are placed in danger purposely by some evil rotter. The
Hood usually does this in his incessant plan to get good quality photos of
International Rescue (again, I kid you not). Other examples include a guy
who sabotaged aeroplanes in Operation Crash-Dive for no reason at all, and
a man who, in a roundabout sort of way, destroyed US fighter planes by
utilising a pop song, in The Cham Cham.
c) International Rescue get themselves into a situation of dire peril.
There are several episodes in which IR has to save IR from death. Cough.
Such examples of pure uselessness include Brink of Disaster, where Scott
has to save Jeff and co. on an out-of-control monorail (about 30 years
before The Simpsons) and Sun Probe again, where, after having saved the
Sun Probe rocket from crashing into the Sun, Alan puts Thunderbird 3 into
a situation of the same fate. The arse.
As well as having to contend with the daily disasters the befall the
population of the Earth, International Rescue has to deal with several
other obscene categories of strangeness:
1: Dodgy Villains – as if the Hood wasn’t bad enough…
This bloke is a good example. Cunningly hid behind a newspaper with some
groovy specs, this chap secretively menaces Lady Penelope at a French café
by poisoning her glass of Pernod. Later on, he appears again, this time
heavily disguised.
*sigh *
2: Odd biology
It wasn’t just the absurdly pathetic villains that International Rescue
had to battle on a semi-regular basis. They also had to contend with the
fact that all people seen in the series had hilariously disproportional
bodies.
I mean, look! That googly eyed waiter has a head larger than his chest!
Not to mention a nose larger than his fist.
3: Facial expressions
The fact that the characters were all puppets didn’t help when it came to
conveying scenes of extreme tension and emotion. For instance, here is
Jeff Tracy, the man in charge of the operation.
Jeff is one of the lucky characters who had more than one head made. Most
of the others either had detachable eyebrows that could be strategically
placed so as to make the characters look alternatively happy or sad, or
some just only had one expression full stop. Poor John Tracy for example
spent all his time on the show with a big grin on his face, even when
giving details on families being stuck in raging infernos. However, the
picture above shows one of two faces made for Jeff Tracy. The one above is
the head used when Jeff is happy, contemplative, unsure, daydreaming, sad,
upset or rather annoyed. And here…
… he is when he’s required to be determined. Such is the amazing array of
expressions this particular character can convey. Still, he’s better than
Cher.
4: 1960’s technology
Thunderbirds is supposed to be set in the far future, in about 2560 AD or
something. However, this being made in the 1960’s, all computers and
technical machines have huge flashing light bulbs all over them, totally
obscuring most of the buttons and switches. Because of this, the majority
of buttons are given their own console each, with a helpful sign next to
them informing the user of what button the are.
Here is a picture for all of those who laughed childishly at Tegan’s
“Enormous thrust!” line in “Castrovalva”.
However, though all of the above are just plain silly, you still get drawn
into the stories, and are quite often on the edge of your seat wondering
“Will they fail this time?” It’s atmosphere is great, and you really feel
for the characters concerned. Unless it’s Alan.
Well, after having droned on for ages, I’m going to bring this article to
a close. Hopefully I’ve entertained you, and have made enough cryptic
remarks to get you interested in this gem of 1960’s television. I’ll leave
you with this frankly very scary picture of Jeff Tracy, which will give me
shivers for the rest of my life:
Brrrrr….
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