The return of Survivor Series 5-on-5 matches

After many years out in the wilderness, the classic Survivor Series match is back. Long since relegated to an under card match (or ignored all together) the 5-on-5 (or 4-on-4) match was a staple of the first few Survivor cards. The Raw match features Austin’s team vs. Bischoff’s team while Smackdown have Angle’s team vs. Lesnar’s team. Instantly each match has a focus. Rather than just throwing guys together they have tried to put each into a context.

The original Survivor Series was in 1987 and was a hastily created event designed to sabotage the NWA’s first PPV event Starrcade 87. Around 95% of the country’s cable companies chose McMahon over Crockett and Jim Crockett Promotions were out of business in a few months. Designed to be a major event which wouldn’t interfere with WWF’s carefully laid out storylines, the 5-on-5 matches were the perfect showcase of a bulging roster without actually giving the punters anything important. The tease was Hogan vs. Andre II but management had already set in stone that NBC’s January Main Event broadcast would have that singles match and Wrestlemania 4 would handle the aftermath. So Survivor Series was a gimmick show in a PPV starved era.

Winding forward to today and the situation is similar. WWE has no plans for anyone so is rehashing two old feuds in a slightly different way. Lesnar has no contenders, Angle’s only fresh feud was with Cena and they’ve turned him babyface so that programme is off. Angle’s team of Bradshaw, Holly, Angle, Benoit and Cena vs. Brock’s truly abysmal team of Nathan Jones, Matt Morgan, A-Train and Big Show. Oh my goodness. The scale of stupidity is breathtaking. They spend the summer getting Brock over as a monster and then give him FOUR team mates who all dwarf him. As for putting Bradshaw and Bob Holly in a PPV main event, the mind boggles. Two guys with very little going for them and massively disproportionate backstage egos and they are suddenly headliners. That’ll help the morale of guys like Matt Hardy and Eddie Guerrero.

Over on Raw we have the continuing feuding GMs storyline. Bisch wins and Austin is gone, Austin wins and he can beat up anyone he wants to. Do we care? Either Austin goes for a few weeks (except he won’t because he’s got a book out and he needs to be on telly to promote it) or Austin gets to beat up mid carders and headliners who never get their heat back and lose their heat because of it. If the likes of Steiner, Test and Jericho can’t even handle a crippled Stone Cold, how can fans believe they can be main eventers? It’s bad enough that you’ve got a broken down heel killing all the babyfaces without a broken down babyface killing all the heels. The sooner Shane McMahon beats HHH and Austin in a handicap, the better. Then the superstars of Raw will be able to know that a real man is atop the tree.

Let’s not kid ourselves though. The idea of filler names like Bradshaw, Holly, Morgan and Jones being in SS main events is nothing new. During the “golden age” of Survivor Series matches we saw people like Koko B Ware, Hillbilly Jim, Don Muroco, Warlord and Zeus in main events. It is a tradition to spread the talent around at Survivor Series and to have the cannon fodder flesh the matches out before the stars get their hands dirty. At least we’re spared the dismal attempts at team branding that we had in the past. A tenuous theme based on the team “captain’s” gimmick lead to awful segments of Bret Hart holding a 2x4 and bellowing like Jim Duggan or Men on a Mission dressed up as Doink the Clown.

The return of the 5-on-5 matches at least guarantees some good action. With 9 falls in each 30 minute match it will be non-stop. Guys will be in and out like a gay porn film and since the matches are essentially pointless filler between Summerslam and the Royal Rumble they will hopefully aim for entertainment.

5th November 2003