Some thoughts on Judgement Day.

Let’s start with a philosophical question – if a PPV takes place and no one watches it, can it really be said to have taken place?

On to more serious matters – the set was certainly different. It had several large crosses which either represents the quasi-religious symbolism of the Undertaker’s current persona or the help-us-God attitude of everyone who heard that Bradshaw was in the main event.

Going in to the show, the one match which stood out as being capable of being ok was the Dudleys vs. Rob Van Dam and Rey Mysterio. The Dudleys are as solid a tag team as has come along in the last ten years and RVD & Rey Rey can always be relied upon to do the unexpected. However, them winning the match wasn’t unexpected as some how RVD’s music started playing half way through the match and, logic being what it is, if his music is cued up then he is scoring the winning fall. Way to go.

I’m glad I recorded it on TiVo and could fast forward through that excruciatingly long Kurt Angle segment. Luther Raines pushes out a cloth covered box. Nothing happens. Eventually Kurt appears atop the box in his wheelchair. Then the once highly entertaining Olympic Hero drones on about nothing for ages. Finally he reaches a point – the otherwise utterly meaningless Tori vs. Dawn match would now be a Tori-is-fired-if-she-loses match. Since Tori never ever ever does jobs she went over and the stip meant nothing five minutes after it was announced. The crowd didn’t give a damn until Dawn’s tights ripped and she appeared to be bare ass naked from behind. She actually had a flesh coloured thong on (hey – I’m a pseudo-journalist and have to study these things) but the eighteen thousand fans didn’t know that.

I know it was eighteen thousand fans as Elfboy Cole never stopped going on about it. It was almost as if he wanted everyone to know that the audience for the show across all platforms would at least be into five figures.

Mordecai debuted (and – hey – point of interest is that Word doesn’t register it as a spelling error or unknown word) and I was rather underwhelmed. He was fine in the ring – not as green or clumsy as I had been led to believe – but his ring entrance was very flat. There was no crowd reaction so it was clear that Mordecai wasn’t something the peeps were desperate to see. They don’t have to be over the top – Undertaker always gives good entrance and that is with nothing more than smoke and lights. But then his theme is dark colours and Mord’s is white. It is tricky to do much with bright white light other than, well, light the arena.

Mordecai looked, for those who didn’t see the show, like a cross between Jeff Jarrett and Mavic Chen.

I really like the team of Rico and Charlie Haas. Rico just cracks me up. The gay gimmick is as old as the business itself but Rico does it so well. Legend has it that he studied hundreds of tapes of "Exotic" Adrian Street (a guy who realised he could make more money pretending to be gay in a wrestling ring than he ever would down the pit that was the be all and end all of his village in Wales) and it certainly shows. Rico is funny – there is no doubt about that. He’s also a babyface so they aren’t getting the crowd to hate Rico’s sexuality but laugh at the effect it has on his macho opponents. Pairing him with the straight and serious Charlie Haas is a fantastic idea. I was a little worried that Bob "Hard Bore" Holly would refuse to take part in any of Rico’s games in case it spoilt the tough guy image which lives on only in his mind. But on this night he joined in the fun (well, as much as a terminally drab person like Holly ever could).

I fast forwarded through the cruiserweight match. The insanity of totally derailing Chavo’s push as a serious cruiserweight by having him lose to Jacqueline (who is a tough woman but is about three feet tall and has breasts like beach balls) killed this brief feud instantly. Sadly, the ending left a possibility for more "hilarious" high jinks with Jacqueline and Chavo Sr. Splendid.

Cena vs. Dupree had a lot of heat. These two very young and very promising workers should be superstars (in the literal rather than corporate sense of the word) in the coming years. Cena is a lot like the Rock in that his ring short comings are hidden by excellent promos and a set of key crowd pleasing moves. His five knuckle shuffle is a people’s elbow rip off but the people love it never the less. Dupree needs to refine his act a bit (and get rid of both that awful poodle and that even more awful hair style) but he is showing signs of being more than just a Rick Martel for the 21^st Century.

Undertaker vs Booker was remarkable in literally no ways. A slow and sluggish match which finished with such a decisive tombstone piledriver that the feud is over and Booker is no longer a contender for the WWE title, a belt that has one contender and he isn't worthy of being in the top ten.

The main event was a slugfest which was better than it had any right to be. Eddie bled more than anyone I have seen in sixteen years of watching this silly business. The blood was literally spurting out of his forehead. We had a close up and we saw a splutter which was just like an old tap that hasn't been used for a while. It kept coming. The ring floor was brown within a few minutes. Eddie's face, body and arms were covered. Bradshaw was covered. The ref was covered. Even I felt sticky - that was how much juice was pouring out of our world champion. Sadly the match ended with a DQ so they're gonna come back next month for some more. I hope Eddie doesn't try to top this display - if a pint is very nearly an armful, Eddie had a couple of empty legs on Sunday night.

Postscript - is it me or is "Judgment" - a really ugly piece of American mis-spelling? I can almost understand their dropping of some of English's less necessary letters (such as the U in colour) and the further Anglicising of words that look a bit too French (like centre or theatre) but to remove the E from Judgement seems utterly pointless. The guy in the robes who hasn't heard of the Beatles is a Judge is (s)he not? Whether in Washington, London or Hull. So why ditch the E and create a word which looks ugly because of its three consecutive consonants? Mind you, America is ruled by a man who probably couldn't spell the word even though his policies edge us all closer to it.