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 Alternative Soundtracks - The Two Doctors The Two Doctors was recorded over two evenings as it was the equivalent of a six-part story, but its length didn’t stop us from being our usual unkind selves with all the characters involved. As I’ve already mentioned, Andrew’s interpretation of Jamie is a joy to hear, and sounds more like the chap who presents One Man and his Dog than a brawny Highlander. I was delighted to be providing the second Doctor’s voice, and totally overdid the gruffness that Patrick Troughton’s own voice had developed by the time The Two Doctors was made. The Sontarans were portrayed as a couple of gay soldiers, and we christened one of them ‘Stinks’ as a combination of ‘Styre’ and ‘Linx’. Dastari’s space station was now a space brothel, and he was referred to throughout the story as Dick Dastardly Dastari simply because the name ‘Dastari’ sounded ever so slightly like Dastardly. Chessene was transformed into an insatiable prostitute, and as she was portrayed by Jacqueline Pierce in the story, nearly all of her dialogue made reference to Blake or The Federation. Andrew also decided that her metallic looking dress was in fact made of tin foil, and for some reason kept mentioning the fact that it would start sparking if she were to put it in a microwave oven.
As usual, the storyline revolved mostly around shagging, most noticeably and revoltingly in the scene where the Doctor and Peri discover some bloodstained overalls in a corridor on the space station, and I rather distastefully have Peri remarking that whoever was wearing the overalls shouldn’t have been shagging whilst they were having their period. I think we’ll leave this story there! Next Episode: Time and The Rani
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Shockeye
was re-named ‘Choc-ice’, and seemed to want to have sex with Jamie rather
than eat him (or perhaps they might be the same thing…??). In the scene in
the basement of the hacienda where he’s eating a rat, I had him say ‘It
tastes like shit!’ He also remarked that he never liked Blake’s 7 because
Blake was never in it and that he didn’t like Zen – apparently Orac was
much more his size, though make of that what you will. This apparent
dislike of Blake’s 7 was first mentioned in the hacienda scene with
Chessene where Choc-ice is studying two cookbooks (our version having them
as Blake’s 7 books), and he managed to repeat the exact same line of
dialogue about Blake’s 7 a minute later purely because I couldn’t think of
anything else to say. Later on in the story where there’s a long shot of
Choc-ice and the 2nd Doctor are walking down a long country track, I
delivered a typically silly variation on the original dialogue; where
Troughton mentions that the restaurants in Seville serve Shepherd’s Pie,
Choc-ice replies with, ‘A pie? Can’t we walk quicker?’ The characters of
Oscar and Anita wanted to rent the TARDIS from the Doctor so that they had
somewhere to shag, and the dialogue between these two characters was
amongst the most successful with regards to their facial expressions
related to the subject matter of their conversations. 
Colin
Baker’s Doctor was played in a suitably over-the-top fashion by Andrew.
His characterisation of the 6th Doctor stemmed purely from the character’s
‘mad’ moments at the start of Twin Dilemma and the latter part of Mindwarp,
to the extent where he would laugh maniacally at regular intervals and
shout most of his dialogue. The key aspect of this version of the 6th
Doctor was that any word which had a particular ‘ey’ or ‘ay’ sound to it
(e.g. play, tray, away, and on one occasion, fogey) would be delivered in
a totally OTT way. It’s difficult to describe the amusing effect of this;
it’s really something you’d have to watch and hear for yourself.