I'm afraid this is slightly old news now but as the saying goes "better late than never" and the recent heat has made me particularly lazy, although I'm not complaining.

So on with the story from AngryDave's world, it was one Saturday evening, Live8 Saturday to be exact. I had been out and about doing the usual humdrum things that one does at the weekend. Well I had been in some time and for one reason or another I got dragged in to the lounge by my parents to be "sociable". Anyway Live8 was on the television and I was curious to see if it was all that it was cracked up to be, so I parked my behind down and settled in with some crisps and Coca Cola.

To be honest it was not as painful as sitting with the parents usually is and I was enjoying a couple of the acts and having a laugh at the expense of several others. Time was passing by and nothing to extreme had occurred apart from the odd F word at an inappropriate time. The Who just arrived on stage and started there set. I was quite interested to see them as they perform the theme tune for CSI (which I watch avidly) and also to see how good they were "nowadays".

All of a sudden I hear in unison from my parents "where the hell did that come from" I could not see what they were meaning, so I just assumed a big spider or daddy long legs had crawled its way out from by the television. However, I am somewhat curious by nature so I shift around in my seat and cannot quite take it in a first glimpse. Staring somewhat blankly for a couple of seconds before I realise what it is.

A Snake.

Yes that is correct a damn snake.

Well I have to say I was really taken aback, oh my god I can't believe it, a snake in Britain or more to the point in MY house. It was not getting to close but it was approximately 3.5 to 4 foot long and an inch or two thick with no exaggeration. My dad is immediately playing his version of "hero" and running out the door before you can blink. Mother on the other hand is still in seeming shock at this point and stood in the centre of the lounge while her brain tries to comprehend what is happening.

Right now I am thinking well what type is this snake but other than a few wildlife shows I am a bit of a novice, so did not know. It did not look a poisonous variety probably more of a constrictor but as I say I'm no Steve Irwin so I'm all for keeping my distance

We have a neighbour 2 or 3 doors down the street who is "into" strange pets, so we put my dad to good use and send him to knock and ask him if it is his, as lets face it a wild snake really would be unlikely. However, there is no answer at the neighbours undeterred I decide to get my (okay well the meat cleaver) from the kitchen cupboard "just in case" you understand, not that I wanted to be a hero, honest.

At this point the reality of the situation is dawning in on mother who is starting to panic. Mother phones the number for the RSPCA but alas there is no reply, as if you expect one at 11.45pm on Saturday. Well now for the total over reaction, Mother phones 999,

"Which service do you require?" - 999

"I don't know, I have just found a snake in my house" - Mother

Well after a bit of laughter and pointless tips, don't touch it, from the operator, Mother explains that we tried the RSPCA but no answer. The operator explains leave it with them and they contact the RSPCA on our behalf. I assume they must have a special number, like the red phone.

In the mean time the snake has slithered its slimy ass back under the television and I'm/we're trying to watch Pink Floyd. We're discussing is it poisonous? How long do you think it has been there? Where has it come from? The usual questions that get asked when you find a snake in your lounge I guess.

I have come up with a cunning plan, cunning as a fox in fact. I could lure it out with some of my remaining crisps, making a trail into the crisp bag and when its head goes in I could chop it off. Don't discount this plan just yet as I really thought about it and it would work see as its head is in the bag it cannot strike me even if it is poisonous. No lose situation and if this situation was going on much longer I'm un-hatching that plan.

My dad has been sent out again to get the neighbour who lives 2 or 3 doors down, I really should find out which. Some time passes and eventually (just as the crisp offensive is about to be unleashed) he returns with two neighbours, one of home is the owner. Oh I quickly stashed the meat cleaver under the seat.

To be honest I am still unsure as to who was most embarrassed him or us, after a bit of coxing he manages to get the snake out from behind the television. Admiring the snake he comments on how well it is looking and that it is not poisonous and totally harmless, a rat snake. How long ago did you lose it Mother asks, expecting a reply of a day or two at the most. Three months! Three whole months that thing could have been slithering around my house. Surely it is too cold at night for it to live outdoors so probably in here. Yikes and the fact it looks so good what has it been eating for so long? No mice/rats in my house anyway.

To rap it up the RSPCA called and we explained we found the owner and it was his snake so no need for them to come. After a laugh and a joke everyone goes home, us a snake lighter, him a snake wealthier. The following morning we see the neighbour joined on to the snake owner, a quick conversation has him revealing that he has a 7 foot snake in his house that they found in the joists doing rewiring as "a cable moved". It had been lost six months, they found a shed skin in there as well.

One last fact he has two pythons each take two people to carry them, if one of those escape I'm leaving home.