I was on my to work one day this week when that annoying little yellow light came on. You know the one that means I need to put in more petrol, I think many people call it the "idiot light" why I do not know.

So I look at the clock and see I am already cutting it fine to get into work for 9am, not that anyone would notice if I was late but I am somewhat self-conscious that way, a failing I know but we all have them. Anyway that being the situation I decide to go straight to work, not passing a petrol station and not passing go!

I figure that I shall just pop out at lunch and everything will be hunky dory. Finally after a slow morning in the world of Pensions lunchtime arrives, my hour of salvation. Sauntering out to my car the sun is shining the rabbits playing and the squirrels are eating, all looks well with the world.

I drive the 2 minutes to the local Esso petrol station only to find it plastered with crudely made signs, (perhaps even worse than those made by the Useless Arm of the Company) "Cash Only". By this point I was past the point of no return so had to then proceed to drive straight through the garage, looking like an inbred piece of trash who can’t read. I now think of it as like a "drive through" penalty as in Formula one, I think this because it makes me happy.

No panic I know there is a Shell, no wait a BP garage just through the town. I get there and shock horror it is really busy with cars parked at funny angles. While I am waiting however I notice all the signs and advertising for their improved quality fuel. You know the stuff costs a little more but is higher octane, gives improved performance and cleans your engine. I confess I am a sucker for this, anything that goes faster is good for me and I have now convinced myself I can tell the difference.

Finally I get to the pump and there is only the usual fuel so I think screw this, and go on to the next "bay" or whatever. Still only the usual fuel I am somewhat bemused by this as I want to pay more, I want the good stuff but I can’t get it. Anyway I need fuel I cannot risk gambling on making it to another garage with my limited reserves. Grudgingly I put in £10 exactly as opposed to the £40+ it usually takes to fill up my car.

Still bemused and more than slightly irked I proceed to the checkout bit, to be confronted by a big woman. I think ok let's ask where this fuel is so "Where is your Optimax" I blurt out, immediately realising my error as Optimax is of course Shell. "Er whata you mean" I think were the words that came forth in reply. So I explained the go faster fuel, you advertise out there where is it? "Ah its in pump numbers 1 and 2"

Now this is the real priceless bit that is where the Diesel is as well, which naturally means all the Vans, Minibuses and cars (for those who for some reason choose diesel in the failed belief it saves them money they are definitely slower) have to queue and thus these pumps are virtually unobtainable without a wait in excess of 10 minutes. Some genius management type must have thought this up, god perhaps there is some worse than those at my wonderful place of employment.

Yes so back at the check out I am suddenly under a barrage of questions from the teller (correct term?) "Why?" "Who are you?" "Do you work for Shell?" Are but a couple I can remember. At this point I’m not in the mood to argue I just want to pay and get the hell out as particularly the queue growing behind me is growing uneasy. So I mummer my excuse "No, I just want the go faster fuel" and run out.

I mean really it should not be too much to ask I want the stuff they advertise but I cannot get it, I enquire about it and get harassed. What is customer service and satisfaction coming to in this Country I ask you?

Well I have the last laugh as I only bought a quarter the fuel I was going to from them and it is highly unlikely that I will go there again. All my petrol purchasing will be done at my local Shell as they don’t have "Cash only signs" and you can actually find the fuel you want and get it within 5 minutes.

The downside is my lunch hour has fast disappeared and I have to go back into the office, alas I find an excuse to nip into the Project Room for a bit of respite. Thank god for small favours!

post script - As I had only put a minimal amount of petrol in my car due to the incidents at the garage last time I had to go again today. So I pulled into the one at the bottom of my street (some crappy BP one that I avoid if possible) and it also had all this advertising for "ultimate unleaded" yet I go to a pump but no it is not there. Having a sense of deju vu I get out the car wonder around all the pumps looking for this illusive fuel. Alas all the pumps searched and the closest I got was a sign "This is now diesel not ultimate unleaded". By this stage my face is red with frustration, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET THIS DAMN FUEL!!! I'm that annoyed I go in and ask the guy behind the counter where is this fuel? "Oh it was not selling so we swapped it over to diesel" At this I about turn and drive off into the sunset disillusioned.

Fear not my fans I went out of the way to "My" Shell garage and on every pump pure undiluted Optimax (go faster fuel), thank heaven for Shell. After this I went to test the car lets say whatever speed you think I was doing it was probably significantly more. I swear I could instantly tell the difference oh how my little car loved it, she was so happy I could feel and hear her purring like a kitten. I gave her a pat on the dashboard and off we went again, she corners as if on rails sublime...

Anyway I digress I found my go faster fuel and it works, is it worth the 6p per litre more? Hell yes, I have vowed never ever ever to subject my baby to the normal fuel. I felt really bad for mistreating her the last time. In fact I might go give her a hug now to make sure she is ok.