I was relaxing at home one evening when the doorbell rang, not in itself anything spectacular. So I get up, yes it is always me that answers the door whether it is because the others think I am the best liar so can dispose of the caller or that I just naturally will have the most interest on whoever is there, I don’t know.

Anyway back to the door, I open and to my immediate excitement I see a well dressed gentleman in his late 50’s or so, it is not this that amuses me but the fact he has a rather large yellow rosette adorning his jacket. Yes he was a Liberal Democrat representative, complete with clipboard and pen! He has a slightly puzzled look as he eyes me up and down, probably expecting someone older. "Mr AngryDave" he questions, "The very one I reply".

Right at this moment I am thinking ah ha this situation has potential, particularly as I am certain he is simply expecting me to fob him off. I can almost see his feet turning to go as he precedes somewhat half-heartedly with his next question "are you going to vote" or something to that effect. I think ah now is the time to strike so I reply with "yes, but I want to know what you can do for me." In he comes before he realises what is happening.

Carrying on as I lead him to the front room "I understand you have Manifestos aimed at capturing the large percentage voters e.g. Pensioners. However I want to know what you can do for ME, I want realistic improvements that I can see!" "My key areas of interest are 1) Roads as they are in a shocking state of repair; 2) Teaching, as currently I am very disappointed in the discipline and academic levels in schools; 3) NHS, I am sick and tired of my tax payers money (see I can say that as I’m not a student anymore) being poured into that black hole for no seeming benefit."

Oh the look of shock on his face was priceless, he literally backed off in his chair to compose himself. He then decides to waffle out his spiel on the roads and how they are for public transport etc. At this point I’m like sounds not all bad it might stop all the little mums attempted to drive unnecessarily large SUV’s (Suburban Utility Vehicles) to school to drop of 1 or at most 2 children. Oh how I despise them. So before I get to side tracked, anything that might get people (other than me) off the road is a joyous thing so I can go even faster and get up even later.

As to teaching he tells me how he would shrink class sizes, which they hope would improve both quality of learning and the need for discipline. He didn’t particularly address what his attitudes to firmer discipline were and to his credit he admitted he was not 100% on all of their policies for schools but class sizes was the more important issue. Currently I’m in favour of corporal punishment being brought back in so teachers can teach and not worrying to about just keeping the class entertained.

The NHS he agreed, unsurprising, is a complete disaster. However he had to concede they would continue to pour money in, their emphasis would lean towards fewer targets and more time actually doing the work and correcting the situation. I have to admit I am all for that but I’m not total convinced that they can do anything better. I have strong opinions here as I have to pay my National Insurance contributions every month however I am not going to see a single benefit for what I put in. Particularly as I have Private Healthcare and a Company Pension (which by the time I get to retire I am 99% certain means I will not receive a state pension). Right now you are probably thinking I am bitter but let me assure you if my money was going to a good cause and making a discernable difference I would not mind, what I do resent is it being wasted by incompetents.

So having answered my questions he was feeling pretty relieved, I thought I will just try for one more "what is your stance on pensions?" His response was not too bad and he obviously listened to his leader and knew what to say here it was to the effect of "more money for the over 75’s as they have little pension provision and are often in most need." Fair play I cannot really argue with that, I have an elderly relative and elderly neighbour etc… As although I regularly joke about having a cull of people over 70 as it would release a great strain on the countries finances, these people have worked throughout their lives and at least deserve a comfortable death sentence.

I was however confused as to how he was going to fund this as there is not enough "money in the pot" at the moment in reply he suggested that they were going to put an extra 10% on the tax of earners over £100k per annum, meaning their tax is 50p in the pound. To me this is irrelevant as I am not likely to earn that so yes feel free tax them. I am still in doubt this would raise the necessary funds as it was to be spread to various areas. In my eyes it is highly probable they would raise retirement age or means test the State Pension.

I was doing an ummming and ahhhing posture at this time considering what had been said. Satisfied? To some extent I was so he completed his formalities saying that it is very close here and I play along informing him I know and I am impressed with the candidate in our area and will likely vote for her. As he muttered his final goodbyes and I showed him out I felt like I was just waiting for the "Bless you my son" alas it never came but c’est la vie, I had had my fun.

All I do now is wait for the Labour and Conservative candidates to come round where I can have even more fun. My aim for the Labour candidate is to get him to admit that voting for him is a waste as he has no chance and that I should vote for Lib Dems as at least I deny the Tories a spot. I think I am most likely to tell the Conservative candidate you are going to have to pull some magic out here (magic that may turn on a certain little Australian hobbit) if you expect me to vote for you.

So am I going to vote Liberal Democrats? Probably but I would like to chat to the others just to confirm it. Maybe I will give you my criteria for my ideal Political Party one day for Dave’s World.