"Radio stations with ill-judged names will only be granted limited catchment areas"

"It's perfectly natural to feel really depressed when you're under attack from terrorists"

"Michael Jackson is a patriotic American and he will cry when the bombs go off"

"Be prepared - in an emergency YOU may have to patronise someone rather than wait for the professionals"

"Smoking KILLS"

"WARNING - a CD bearing any of these labels is likely to be by a Nu-Metal band"

"If radiation mutates you on your way home from work, console yourself with how much money you'll save now you can clean your own windows"

"In a crisis you may have to use a foreigner. If so, choose an Englishman because they're almost as good as we are"

"If tragedy strikes, morale will be kept high because Countdown will offer prizes rather than dictionaries"